No, this is not about me…yet.
The following guest post is from a good friend and great writer who is exploring a new phase in her relationship through a lens I think many of you will totally understand. Enjoy!
ADULTHOOD: Training Wheels Needed!
I am the queen of taste tests – in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever walked into an ice cream shop and not asked for a sample before placing my order.
And if you think about it, all of our lives we’ve been able to test, demo or somehow ease our way into next life-changing situation.
We had training wheels on our first bike, floaties on our arms as we learned to swim, training bras, driving permits, kitten heels before stilettos, college visits, internships… we can even try on clothes before we buy them! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to try something first before committing to your final decision!
So why is it as we get older life’s little “taste tests” seem to become less frequent?…
Earlier this year my boyfriend and I were talking about moving in together since our leases were up at the same time. However, my apartment building would let me shift to a month-to-month lease his would not. So instead of fully committing to a move-in, I decided to keep my apartment just in case I needed it but go ahead and mostly move in with him.
I needed to test it out – not because I wasn’t sure if I’d like living with him (I knew we would be fine and it would be fun), but more because I didn’t want to make a big decision without sampling the situation.
(Before I continue, I should mention that I’m glad I kept my tiny apartment because now that I’ve gone freelance I use it as an office.)
But just the other day, the boyfriend proposed that I get rid of my apartment and that we move into a bigger apartment where we could both work at home (he currently works from home as well).
My gut reaction: “Okay, good idea, but can we test it out for a couple weeks to see if I can work in the same vicinity as you?”
Instead, I told him that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get any work done with him in the next room (I’d just want to hangout together all day!), but that it’s something we can continue thinking about without making any promises yet.
Obviously I’m an over thinker, I analyze everything – but am I crazy to think that we deserve a little more testing before jumping into the biggest life decisions? Just like all those childhood lessons we practiced before fully diving in, shouldn’t adult life moves offer the same? How do you all feel about “taste tests” in real-life? I’d love to hear some of your stories and ideas on this tricky one.
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I wish that my fiance and I had the opportunity to taste-test before we jumped into moving together. But I also think that it made us think harder about the decision and be accountable for the one we made. Now that we’ve lived together a while and are getting married, we’ve thought about getting another small place that we can share as an office or getaway, as needed, but it’s more so that we can have a change of scenery sometimes, we both work from home a lot.
Traditional views of relationships don’t really allow ‘testing the waters’ before jumping in, which is ridiculous and probably a key reason for such a high divorce rate. Sometimes it’s the tests that we put ourselves through that help us take our adult decisions seriously. I agree, it’s great to try before you buy in any situation.