I’ve lost track of the number of people I know in the 25-32-year-old range who’ve become affianced in the past six months. College friends. Work friends. Family friends. People I’m not really friends with at all but feel guilty de-friending on Facebook. It’s like…like…hmm…it’s like exactly what they told me it would be like when I hit my late 20s. “They” being everyone who’d been there, done that. “It’ll creep up on you,” they said, and they were right.

But the fact that it has doesn’t explain the fact that it did. Or, in clearer sentence, why is everybody getting engaged? What is it about human nature/culture/history that makes the current age of settling down around the 28th year of life?

Here are my theories to date:

The biological clock thing
Last weekend I was at a BBQ that featured this incredibly attractive 9-month-old named Oscar, and I felt a strange urge to kidnap him. I feel this same desire creeping up on me from time to time: see child, want to steal child. I’m not sure if that’s the clock in action, but I’m told it’s a sneaky little guy that has his way with your psyche in manners you’ll never really understand.

Scientifically speaking, we women are arriving at a time when our bodies strongly support the idea of us having children. It’s possible/probable that our minds are in on the deal making things like commitment, future-planning, and joint Netflix accounts of interest (and financial sense!). This is the, “it’s happening because it’s biologically inclined to happen” theory.

My “prom date theory” theory
Several years ago I explained my concept of “prom date theory” as it then applied to many of my peers getting into committed relationships. To quote myself: “One person nails down a date. Then another. Then a third. Suddenly everyone is a mad dash to get a date before all the good one’s run out and they’re ousted from the cool kids limo. Replace “the prom” with a lifetime of happiness and “the cool kids limo” with it’s really boring when all of your friends are dating and you’re not and voila.”

I’m not exactly saying that people are getting engaged on account of peer pressure, or because they’re afraid all the good spouses will be taken, but that’s not not what I’m saying. This is the, “it’s just the thing to do,” theory.

Because Beyonce said so
Simply put – if you like it then you better put a ring on it or it’s going to dump you because it’s afraid you have a total fear of commitment and will never put a ring on it. Perhaps guys have internalized that message and are now getting on board before they’re pushed off?
The real question here isn’t whether or not this theory is true but whether or not this theory would exist if not for the song…

Guys got on board

If you take the Beyonce-factor out of the equation, maybe it’s just that guy are ready at 28 and not ready at 25. Yes, it takes two to tango and yes, 20-something women are just a culpable in the I-just-want-to-focus-on-my-career-and-hook-up charade. But if men are not ready to take it to the next level, it doesn’t happen. I could just be my personal set of dying-to-be-soccer-Dad friends, but I will go so far as to say that they desired to be engaged. It didn’t happen upon them because their girlfriends threw down the ultimatum; they found themselves ready, and so they went for it.

I do not know if there is a male equivalent to the biological clock, but maybe it’s more like a maturity clock that kicks in around this very age.

We’re too exhausted not to
Going out, getting wasted, playing the field, juggling the dates – that is hard work, and I think many/most of us are too damn tired to live a 22-year-old’s life. I don’t know if it’s because I moved to the land of designated drivers or if it’s because I’m 28, but I find myself far more interested in group dinner parties in the backyard then 4am drinking games on a stranger’s roof in Brooklyn. And lame as I feel typing that, I actually stand by my new form of fun as a victory vs. a surrender. It’s fun to remember everything that happened the night before and it’s really fun to wake up without a massive hangover.
So then naturally this part A. of moving beyond the oat-sowing phase of life would lead to part B. a comfort in leaving some of that behind for the lifestyle of a married couple.

We know a good thing when we find it, finally
I don’t know about you, but I spent the better (worse?) part of my 20s dating men who were very wrong for me. Call this immaturity, call this short-sightedness, call this not being ready to be with the right person – I don’t know. But all these engagements could just be a result of people finally knowing themselves and therefore finally feeling ready to pair that self with someone else.

That’s where my list ends at the moment. Check back in with me when another few bite the dust – er – choose to take a very exciting step forward. And in the meantime, please share you own stories, theories and feelings in comments!