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October 24, 2011

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October 24, 2011

Relationship advice from yet another dentist

October 24, 2011

Three years ago I went to the dentist in NYC and got completely unsolicited relationship advice that I posted here on this blog.

Last week it happened again. Different city. Different dentist. Same barrage of advice on dating, relationships, marriage and children that I by no means requested. This time Dr. West Coast peppered in some general thoughts on both pop culture, history and philosophy.

Sos not to deny this bizarre occurrence its very own blog post, here goes.

LIFE ADVICE FROM MY DENTIST: part two

  • “Do not marry a man who is younger than 31-32…maybe 30 if he seems like he’s got his noggin’ on straight and his zipper zipped up.”
  • “If the guy you’re with hasn’t succeeded in his business by the time he’s 30, he never will. I’m telling you. It’s a fact.”
  • “People who get married in their early 20’s have a real, real hard time making it. They just do. Plain and simple.”
  • “You wanna be real careful about being with a guy who makes less money than you – as a woman. If the man makes more money than the woman it becomes a giant mess. Equal pay, fine. Less, disaster. Really creates resentment, which – you know – deeply affects things in the bedroom.”
  • “You’re probably going to want to convert to Judaism so your kids don’t end up screwed up. I mean, I should say, do want you want religion-wise – I don’t care if they’re Buddhist – but make sure you present a unified front to the kids, religion-wise. They need that.”
  • “You know Thomas Jefferson was an atheist?”
  • “If you’re gonna get re-married make sure the guy isn’t too close to his kids, if he has any from a previous marriage. That’ll really screw things up.”
  • “I don’t know much, but I’ll tell you one thing I know for sure – that Marcus Bauchmann is gay as hell.”
  • “Whatta ya think – should I throw the dental gig away and get into that Dr. Phil work? Huh?” (pinches cheeks)

Those are the direct quotes I remember clear as day. There were also some comments on the dangers of fundamentalist Christians, how hard it is to believe in God after a tragedy and what happens if you have kids before you’re married (note: nothing good).

Apparently somewhere inside my mouth there’s a tattoo that reads, “please provide me with tons of inappropriate and judgmental advice while you have my ability to respond in your hands, literally.” That or I have the absolute worst taste in dentists…albeit consistent.

25 comments

  1. Dentists are never shy, are they?

    I work in retail, here are a few gems from different customers…
    “Do I love her? Of course I do. She’s my daughter-in-law. She married my son. Do I like her? That’s another question.”
    “I guess the best way to ‘try on’ lingerie is to just throw it on the floor, cuz that’s where it’ll end up anyway.” (<– from a male customer)
    “Why do you work here? You like it because it must be easy, right?”

  2. Seems like the dentists you came across are very knowledgeable when it comes to life in general. They’re not only good at teeth care. They’ve been through a lot of experiences, and that’s why they seem more cynical.

  4. Yeah, dentists can give some pretty sound advice at times, and most of the times, they give some good facts about life too. But some are just outright funny, like his first advice regarding marriage. Hahaha! Yes, Lyko I think this has been based on his experience.

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