So I’m sitting in some bizarre, late-night traffic the other day, flipping the old radio dial, and I stumble upon a blast from our collective pasts – LOVELINES! Apparently it’s still around and hosted by some guy named Mike, some girl named Simone, and its now-famous originator, Dr. Drew.

I dropped in on the program at the beginning of a call from a 17-year-old, Midwestern girl named Katie. Katie was calling to ask the hosts if the amount of sex she’s having makes her a slut. Her story is that she’s been sleeping around and experimenting since breaking up with her boyfriend, but is, “worried people are going to think [she’s] a slut now.” In response to the question of how many different partners she has per month (I think Dr. Drew asked), she said, about four. Katie asked the panel (and this part I remember clear as day), “Like, how long should I wait in between having sex so I’m not a slut?”

I’m listening and thinking, whoa that’s a loaded question, and four people per month is a lot for a 17-year-0ld slash anyone, but let’s see what the experts have to say. Surely they’ll address the bigger issue of how she feels about this sex and why she’s doing it versus the number of partners and time span between sexual encounters. They’ll probably also get into why she doesn’t want to be a slut and what being a slut means in her mind. After all, these people are professionals, right?

Wrong.

Mike and Dr. Drew punted to Simone (the girl) to respond, resulting in a confusing and unclear answer that I think boiled down to, “you should wait at least a week between sex partners.” (in fairness, Simone said that’s what she would do). Simone did acknowledge that Katie is young and should spend time thinking about how long she waits in between unique partners. She also admitted that a “slut” is hard to define (here’s my own attempt from way back when). But she in no way addressed the bigger issues at hand (in my opinion): what does Katie think it means to be a slut? why is she concerned about being a slut? what is motivating her to have the sex she is having in the first place? how does she feel about herself after the sex? What about before the sex? What if the answer is, “yes, you’re a slut,” – then how would Katie feel?

I get that this is a radio show and not a psychology class, but if 2011 is anything like 1999 then impressionable young teens were listening in to that call on the Walkmen (iPhones?) they have stuffed under their pillows. And unfortunately those kids got a hackey answer to a pretty significant question.

And so, even though I doubt this will reach Katie, doubt many teens read this blog, and am perhaps less qualified to answer than Simone, here is how I would have responded:

Katie, the whole word slut – what it means, who is one, who gets to decide – is really tricky. Some people think you’re a slut if you sleep with anyone before you’re married. Other people think there’s no such thing as a slut and that you should be able to sleep with whomever you want, whenever you want to. Then there are people who think being a slut is about being careless about sex and your body. There is no right or wrong answer.

I personally think that the word “slut” should have much more to do with how you feel about the sex you’re having. Does it make you feel empty? Does it make you feel weird? Do you personally feel like it’s too much, or are you totally comfortable with it? It sounds like you’re worried about what other people think of the amount of sex you’re having. Why is that? And are you worried about it yourself?

Now, aside from the whole “what-defines-a-slut” thing, I have to be honest with you and say that multiple sex partners per month at your age makes me worry. The decision to have sex is a very important one because it affects your body and your mind, and when we’re young – like you are – we know less about our bodies and minds. If I were you I would think carefully about who I want to have sex with, and more importantly, why I want to have sex with that person. People have all sorts of definitions and labels for all sorts of thing – especially when it comes to sex – but the only thing that’s important at the end of the day is how you feel about yourself and how you take care of yourself.

I hope that’s a helpful answer. If I were you I would also talk it over with a good friend so you have more time to think through your feelings.