I’m well aware of the fact that I like to be in command of my own life. I also know that I really enjoy the busy, independent, social lifestyle that I lead. What I did not quite realize, however, is that I am selfish. I think I’m selfish with a lowercase “s,” but I’m selfish none the less.
Big S selfish people are jerks who don’t give a damn about anything but themselves, I’ve decided. Little s selfish people (I’ve also decided) are wary of taking on anything that might alter the very specific lives they lead like, say, a lot of volunteer work or a tricky relationship or…a dog named Elliott.
When R and I first started talking about getting a dog I thought I was nervous about raising an animal. I grew up with a dog, but I didn’t have to take care of her very much. She was very self-sufficient, much like an additional, much harrier little sister. It wasn’t until one very specific dog came into play (ELLIOTT) that I realized I’m not afraid of raising a dog, I’m afraid of altering the very comfortable life I lead. I am little s selfish.
Here are just some of the thoughts I’ve had the prove this fact:
- If we get Elliott I’ll have to sit outside at the various cafes I frequent to do my work. A. that’s often tricky because of sun glare on my computer and B. when it drops below 70 degrees here, I’ll be cold sitting outside.
- What if Elliott is really annoying around the apartment while I’m trying to do my work? Like, what if he keeps trying to get me to rub his belly or something, and I can’t focus?
- Is one of us going to have to walk this dog at 7AM every single day for the rest of our life with him? Because sometimes I like to sleep until 8AM, and but that I mean 9AM…
- Is Elliott going to make our apartment smell? Because I really like how our apartment smells.
- What if Elliott doesn’t like to walk fast? Because I really hate walking slow.
- Is Elliott going to ruin the leather couch? Because that was not a light purchase…that R made…but still.
- Let’s discuss the cost of dog food, dog boarding and dog training relative to my annual vacation budget.
- Let’s discuss the possibility of a 1.5 year old dog still chewing on shoes…
- What if Elliott likes R more than me, forever?
And those are the things I’m willing to publish on the Internet…
These are the thoughts every soon-to-be dog owner has, right? This is perfectly normal, right? My desire to rescue a dog and bring a loving animal into my life with R will very quickly outweigh any frustration with dog bone crumbs on the kitchen floor, right?
Bottom line: some degree of selfishness is normal. The degree of selfishness which prevents one from enjoying a pet in their life is not one I want to maintain, case closed.
Now onto deciding whether or not Elliott will be the one to help me grow up just a little more…
(Yes, that’s him in the photo. Feel free to weigh in!)