I heard a fascinating bit of information yesterday, third handedly, but still.

R was talking to an actress friend (hi Myra!) who was referencing her daughter (hi daughter!) who has this amazing theory about dating. Her claim: that at the 45 minute mark of any given date, you’ll know if it’s a pass or a fail.

Now there’s two degrees of Kevin Bacon between this story and me, but here is the way R explained what Myra explained about what her daughter shared.

The first few minutes of any date are simple introductions and small-talk  pleasantries. Good to meet you, did you have trouble getting here? Can you believe it’s raining? Sure it’s possible that some dealbreaker is shared within those first, say, 10, but unless it’s I got here on my bike because I don’t have a license because I have 27 DUI’s, you’re probably safe. But even if that does happen, the theory would still stand because the datee failed within the 45 minutes.

So presuming he/she is still in pass territory, the next 10-15 minutes usually revolve around ordering items and discussing basic life facts. I’ll have a beer, Yeah I lived in New York for five years, U-huh I’m the oldest of four girls, etc. Once again, there’s always room for a super revealing detail like yeah I lived in New York for five years with a woman whose baby I had slash still have, but it’s cool, for example. But chances everyone is still on their best behavior.

Once the items arrive to the table/bar/car (drive-ins are making a real comeback you guys), it can get tricky. Suddenly you’re out of small talk and asking questions that lead to real answers: what do you do? why do you do it? what’s your opinion on X? why do you disagree with Y? By that point someone has either looked at their phone way too many times, or not. Maybe you have a drink in you so you’re more apt to share a little more? Bottom line, you’re inching toward being yourself, which is where things finally get interesting.

Which brings us to the 45 minute mark. What my source suggests is that by 45 minutes she’s learned something on every single first date that determines whether she’d like a second. If the person passes that doesn’t mean they’re sure as engaged. It just means the individual has yet to fail.

And I guess conversely, if someone has a dealbreaker to reveal, they’ll reveal it within the first 45 minutes? I’m a little fuzzy on that part, but I think that makes sense.

So, what say you? Does the theory hold water? How many instances can you point to that confirm or deny it? 

It’s been awhile since I’ve been out there, but I have to admit this feels right. Except in my experience it might be more like 30 minutes…tops.