The other night R and I had oysters, artisan grilled cheeses and red wine with our friend Alison because it was Wednesday and we know how to live (note: Alison actually had a dirty martini because she is a total boss. HI ALISON!) .

At one point R hijacked our conversation about Allison’s incredible new-ish boyfriend and turned things into an sociology class, but we went along with it because he is very cute.

R’s question: what percentage of couples do you think fall into that “opposites attract” category? Or, rather, do you think more couples are similar or different people?

I instantly said, “different,” because I like to be the first person to answer questions in class. R said, “interesting,” and then rubbed his winter-months beard a little bit because, apparently, he was taking this whole fake sociology class as seriously as I was…which is when it dawned on me that R and I are more similar than we are different…I think?

Do I fail the class (slash life) if I can’t answer the question as it pertains to my own relationship? Or is that the trick answer to the non trick question? Couples don’t know what they are, so you can’t assign a percentage.

I’m not sure I think it matters whether couples are more similar or different in terms of their long-term potential for success. I think for people who like/need/want difference, a different partner is better. Opposite goes for people who like things the same. I would say that I think partners should have similar values, hopes and dreams (and I did say that, to which R replied that this was a conversation not a Happy Wedding Day greeting card), but I’m not even so sure about that. I personally like that R and I share the same values, hopes and dreams (and, yes, I am now going to have that printed on a custom wedding card for him), but that’s just me. I think he feels the same, and he may or may not have said so that night. I was too busy mentally creating a list of ways that we are similar and different to pay attention. I now consider that list the most productive thing to come out of our conversation, and so in lieu of an actual answer to the question I’ll just list a few things I came up with and hope you can tackle the real puzzler in comments. Thanks!

WAYS IN WHICH R AND I ARE SIMILAR

• We both think David O. Russell is overrated
• We both love oysters
• We both like to make plans way earlier than it’s ever necessary to make them
• We’re both very perceptive, especially of people, especially people who are funny
• We have the same politics
• We value family and friendships in the same way
• We like the same TV shows (including House Hunters and Downton Abbey!!)
• We both like to keep very busy but also know how to relax
• If it came down to it, we would both always put each other before our careers
• We’re both very independent, and can be very independent of each other, but at the end of the day we prefer to do things together than with just about anyone else

WAYS IN WHICH R AND I ARE DIFFERENT

• R is stronger when it comes to sticking up for himself than I am
• I really, really love clothes and shoes and home decor and make-up and everything pretty. R don’t find those things quite as important or interesting. 
• R is a cook. I am a sous chef. 
• I am an incredible sleeper. R, not so much. 
• I thought Martha Marcy May Marlene was meh. R though it was the scariest movie he’s seen in a very long time.
• R is comfortable spending money (aka not cheap). I am NOT (aka very cheap).
• R hates tuna fish. I hate bananas. 
• R has a healthy relationship with guilt for the most part. I don’t, for any part. 
• When R gets mad he mumbles a string of curse words under his breath like a mental patient. When I get mad I clean everything in site like a totally sane human.