Lately I feel like the more social media we use the less social we actual are on that media. I don’t mean hiding from actual conversation in favor of text and tweets (though there’s obviously a ton of that going on too). I mean the degree to which old school, agreed-upon and obvious social etiquette falls by the wayside in favor of behavior that would be so so weird if we did it in person. But then again, I am an old married woman who can’t figure out how to link my Twitter and Facebook accounts (seriously. this can be done, right? how…), so maybe I’m the crazy one and this is all totally fine? I don’t know anymore.
Here are a few of the areas that make me feel like I have no idea how to behave in the online world.
Random Friendings – I feel like you shouldn’t just be allowed to friend someone because you share one to NO persons in common, right? I know being Facebook friends has nothing to do with being actual friends but there has got to be some line here, no? If we met once, friend away. If my friend told me that you and I should be friends and you want to start that process with a friend request, fine. But if I have absolutely no idea who you are save for a single person we share who I’m barely friends with in the first place, what are you doing? I think this is because there is a still a line, in my mind, between the controlled life we share online and the entire public world where in reality everyone else views Facebook like a giant room in which everyone can see everything and a “yo!” across the bow should grant you access to my every move. I do not know who is right or wrong here.
In Kind Responses – If I singled you at a party to tell you something funny/important/interesting/relevant to you and you alone, would you respond with a thumbs up then walk away? No! So when I post an article/image/video to your Facebook page with a cleverly crafted message, don’t just like it! You like it then comment on it! I’d like to give a shout out Miss Geanna Barlaam for her excellent work in this very category. She likes and comments, always. 1 million virtual points for you, Geanna. And yet I too am guilty of ignoring contact on the Internet because no one can see me ignore it. So what’s the rule here? Do as you please or establish a system and follow it? When I get a wall post request for a coffee do I respond directly to the wall or can I say, “Hi, please contact me off-line for this request!” Ugh you guys, it’s all so hard.
Filter Overload – I feel like everyone should be required to post one out of every dozen photos without any filter because I’m starting to forget what people, places and things actually look like. This is obviously a risky request because it means I have to go back to actually looking like I look in pictures, but I am marginally concerned that people are going to start getting worried about my health when I see them IRL. You’re looking less glistened by the 1970s sun… Is everything alright?
Creeping Confessions – What’s the protocal? When you see someone that you are fully aware just got back from a Hawaiin vacation, are you allowed to comment? I think, yes. But what about when you know something about a person because of rabbit hole stalking that could have happened naturally but didn’t. I saw on your wall from a post your Mom put up that your Aunt responded to that your cousin just got into Boston College. I went there! Too far or totally acceptable? I want it to be too far but it keeps happening to me (as in, I find myself wanting to make the confession), so maybe it’s time to just let it all go and confess every stalk.
I’m missing dozens here, but you get the idea. I used to feel like the Internet was this place that should be used sparingly because real life was more significant. It meant more to e-mail or text than post to someone’s wall, as one tiny and seemingly ridiculous example. But maybe all that is gone? I know young 20-somethings who have never ever been called on the phone by a guy. Their entire romantic lives are conducted without the use of their voice (unless Siri is employed, I guess?). Is that insanely lame or just a sign of the times? And what’s a person stuck between early twenties and early 30s supposed to do? Adapt or ignore?
Jessie Rosen
Jessie Rosen resides physically in LA and mentally in NY. She writes scripts, books, articles, sex stories, branded content and killer e-mails.
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I’m 29 and never conducted my romantic life on the phone, because I hate phones. Huge swaths of your generation got to know people via AIM instant messenger. (Which I would argue is better than texting, but that’s obviously just because that’s what I did.)
Much like in the rest of the real world, people have different ideas about what is acceptable behavior. It’s just that it’s possibly more visible online where it’s more permanent and because you don’t actually spend time with that many people in real life on a regular basis. So sure, make your own rules, make the people you know and like in real life aware of them, and do whatever you want. I don’t accept friend requests from people I haven’t met in person. If I take an online conversation offline in a way that looks awkward to others, I usually include a comment like “Texting you now” or “I’ll talk to you about this tomorrow” or something so it doesn’t look like I’m just a jerk who never responded.
Funny, though, because one of *my* rules about the internet is that you should never, ever link your Twitter feed to your Facebook, especially if you’re ever going to live-tweet a game or a TV show or a presidential debate or something. Those media are for different things; mixing them makes my life sad.
Ugh, pretend I didn’t just write “AIM instant messenger,” which is apparently my own “ATM machine” or “PIN number.”
I agree and I think it comes down to following your own ethics as far as responding and not deviating from them for expediency’s sake. We wouldn’t ignore friends like that in the “real world” and to keep from falling into the trap of thinking that FB (for instance) is a substitute for actual interaction we have to retain our personhood. That being said, here I am responding to a stranger’s blog because I read that yours was one of the best of 2013 🙂 And, I am a former FB junkie and have some insight on this myself.
This is hilarious, by that I mean I wholeheartedly agree! Online social media has affected my life significantly being that I am 20 years old.
I love contacting people through Facebook rather than the phone. Just texting people bothers me, I’d rather just send them a message on Facebook or just hit them up on the phone so that we can just hang. I mean I feel like it makes me more social because i’m more open to meeting new people 🙂 But that could also be that i’m just a social person in general…
Incredibly funny and true. I had to stop myself from screaming YES as I read it.
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LOL…too funny! You are spot on!
I think some of the friend request-ing is happening because you have a blog. I bet that a lot of people THINK they know you because they read your writing. It is flattering — but it can also cross the line to creepy really fast, so feel free to increase your privacy settings for friend requests.
I would like to echo the idea of not directly linking your Facebook and Twitter, too. Hoot Suiter is a better way to go for content sharing, and it allows you to schedule in advance as well — which is great for when you’re scheduling new blog posts. 🙂 If you really still want to do it, though, shoot me a message and I’ll find a good tutorial/step-by-step for you.
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