I realized on my recent flight from New York back to L.A. that every time I fly to or from New York or L.A. I have a mini freak out. I start to think about my life, generally. Then I think about how that life is tracking against my goals, specifically. And then I emotionally vomit on R for an hour or so about what the hell I’m doing with said life: I should be writing more! How can I be writing more and still hold down a full time job?? I should get my podcast up!! But how can I get my podcast up and still be writing as much – which we’ve already determined isn’t even enough in the first place – and also hold down a full time job??? And what about that play I was going to produce!? Ugh and if we’re ever going to get a dog then I’ll need to reserve extra time for him/her!!
It is, no doubt, a product of my internal pressure cooker. I have big, sometimes unreasonable goals with small, often impossible deadlines.
But why the in flight freak?
At first I thought it was just the five + hours trapped in a rumbly box of stale oxygen with nothing but an iPhone on airplane mode to occupy me. I’ve experienced similar moments of self reflection in bumper-to-bumper traffic with no snacks in my Jetta console.
But I think in this case the issue is actually a bit more metaphoric, and I think it has something to do with that very first flight I took from New York to L.A. two years ago – the one-way ticket to my future as a creator.
Every time I take that flight from one coast to the other I think about the risk I took, the sacrifices I made, and how much I miss my family back home. I think about that girl who decided to uproot a happy, stable, successful life in New York and take it to L.A. I think, “I didn’t move here to keep up my blog and write a half-assed script or two along the way.”
Mid-way through this particular think-outloud-session poor R endured, I turned to him and said, “I don’t think I’m really brave.”
He nodded, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. It was, in is defense, about 15 minutes into what he knew would turn into a 2 hour convo.
“Why do you say that?” he said.
“Well I think there are people who take real risks, those being really brave people, and there are people who play it safe, we’ll call them safe people, but I think in between those two groups are people who call themselves smart – that’s me – but really they’re just people who are playing it too safe to succeed.”
“Interesting,” R said. He really does try to keep up.
I think this is a thing – being “too smart to succeed?” I don’t meant it in the I-can’t-achieve-my-goals-because-my-giant-brain-is-in-the-way. I mean that you work yourself into a corner where you’ve extended yourself too thin in an effort to achieve too many goals in too short a time. In your mind you’re “doing it all” – you work a full-time job in a high pressure industry while maintaining side projects that are actually your passion. You say to yourself, it is more important to be financially secure plus, look! I’m getting my other projects done too, and eventually those will just take over and become my primary work. I am not too risky or too safe – I’m smart.
But can something ever become your primary work if you don’t just make it your primary work? And can you ever achieve one thing fully if you’re trying to achieve three things at the same time? Are brave people more likely to get there faster, if at all, because they’ve fully committed? I want statistics! Or stories! Or a life coach! Or a giant, surprise windfall of money…
Your thoughts and questions would be helpful on this one. I can’t imagine I’m the first person to have this quandary. Lucky for me I have another cross-country flight coming up in two weeks, so maybe I’ll just solve it all myself. I’ll keep you posted.
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Jessie, per usual you are tapping into something that the typical 20-Nothing battles with all the time. Prepare yourself for a novel: I’ve always droned on about how “it’s not necessarily about working HARD, it’s about working SMART.” Of course working hard comes with the territory of working smart. For me the idea tho is that you don’t have to drain yourself and sludge along. You just have to be smarter than everyone else and willing to go the extra mile. And i have news for you. You are/ do both of those things. I think sometimes too we believe that if we aren’t struggling financially, we’re not brave. and that’s bullshit. There’s nothing romantic about being broke and unprepared. If you’re anything like me, a little security goes a long way. That “safety at home” provides a foundation for you to spring out into the world creatively and confidently (i think). A little “buying power” enables you to provide for yourself creatively. The hardest part of any creative job i think is the patience to ride the waves. Some hrs, days, months, years are better than others. And the truth is, you could quit your day job and dive in tomorrow and get no further along in 6 months. And then find yourself desperately needing a day job again. We’re all “two weeks away” or “never gonna happen” away from the success we dream of. No road is the right one. I think the REALLY BRAVE person looks around her and says “Well, there are people farther along than I and people farther behind than I. It will always ALWAYS be that way, regardless of success. Here is what I have to work with. Here is where I am. I know where i need to improve. I know where i need to sacrifice. I’m doing beautifully. I’m grateful for the progress i’ve made and the breaks i’ve been granted.” That being said…i’m constantly reminding myself of the same stuff. Keep going, woman. You’re onto something!! ~love, nellie
Did you see this: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/19/opinion/the-wedding-effect.html?_r=1
Such timing you have!
I’m in a similar boat, having taken some risks but nothing that I would really consider Brave, so I don’t have an answer either. However, I think you should consider yourself a step ahead in that you know what your passion is & you are currently pursuing it. I’ve often gotten stuck just trying to decide which of my many interests I should be pursuing and even now that I’m in grad school, I need to start narrowing it even more & it’s paralyzing sometimes. and as much as hard work (or smart work, if that’s a thing) is important, I do believe that a certain amount of major success is just dumb luck.
i think i wrote more yesterday then closed my browser too early but…
i think you’re hitting on thoughts shared by many folks. i know i’m constantly going through this in my head.
that being said – (and I’m sure you do), there’s nothing wrong with appreciating where you are and what doing so far.
No stand up comedian ever “broke out” from 1 major performance 1 night – that one night might of had someone like lorne michaels in the audience but it was the thousands of nights that the person kept at it – little by little – to get better – that made the person have that breakout night. So, keep it up and keep doing what you’re doing.
that being said – the viking used to burn their boats to make sure they were successful and there’s so many good stories of people living in their cars that that is what forced them to ‘make’ it – now that you have a great car – move in there.
tony robbins talks about it as pain/pleasure — the in the car thing or the so broke i couldn’t eat thing is really about that person having enough “pain” in order that they HAD to do something drastic. so the question could be how do you create that sense of pain without having to live w/ no money/food/etc.. As humans and human nature – we’ll do more to avoid pain than to get pleasure (pleasure meaning all the BIG stuff you mentioned) – so maybe that can play into it. That being said – there’s a lot of thought on the ‘visualize success and positivity and it will come’ type “the secret” mentality as well and positive thinking (with action) is good.
so — go get a job where you can be totally like 100% committed 1 week per month – full time on your ‘side project’ – then regular work hours 3 weeks of the month – then 1 or 2 of those other weeks during that month say that you’ll be 100% full time outside of work working on your side things with no social/fun/etc.. Or do it every other week or something. just say hey – this week I’m going to be ‘normal’ and write some, work regular and do all the typical regular behavior type stuff — then these other weeks, I’m going to be totally relentless in pursuing something.
that being said too —- most people overestimate what they can do in a year but greatly underestimate what they can do in a decade. take a 1 project per year focus and see where you are in 5, 10?
i read this and thought it might be a great kind of thinking too — the old ‘as-if’ mentality. Or be, do, have.
http://jimsmarketingblog.com/2012/07/16/bloggers-are-you-1-question-away-from-10000-daily-readers/
As a person trying to make it as a sports blogger/writer (because there aren’t enough of those around), this post really resonated with me. I oftentimes wondered if working a financially stable but emotionally unrewarding full-time job while pursuing my passions in my spare time was just an elaborate form of hedging my bets. I decided that it was, and I’m more of an “all in” type of guy, so I’m about to take a big leap into the great unknown. I will let you know what kind of car I end up sleeping in.
And Jen, I suggest “The Renaissance Soul” by Margaret Lobenstine. I haven’t gotten to the end of it yet, but so far it seems to be a good read for those trying to sift through their multiple passions.
I can totally relate to this. I went to school for photography, but when I graduated I realized that I had no resources available to get any type of professional work. Could I have jumped right in and made it work for me? Yes, I probably could have. But I also probably would have starved to death and ended up moving back in with my parents because of a lack of rent money. I still can’t decide whether or not I made the right choice by choosing to work a full time job and putting my passion on the sidelines. I still to this day find myself saying “I want to be a photographer” but the thought of actually being a photographer is so scary to me, simply because I know someday I will literally have to drop everything to make it happen. I can work a day job and pursue photography on the side for as long as I want, but I think that limits me in terms of ever being able to do it full time. I, too, feel I’m not “brave” enough to completely leap into something that may or may not even work out for me. Thanks for sharing this post, its incredibly relatable.
Stephanie
Hello
Glorious read! I wish to thank you on your time for this. The articles is really excellent!
Being an early stage 30-something now, I think about this ALL THE TIME. I’m a playwright with a full time job and a husband and friends, and I’m working on a zillion projects at once, but at the same time I’m haunted by the fact that I feel like maybe I haven’t really “gone for it”. And then I think about being 20, broke as hell, and walking home with my tip money in my shoe in case I got mugged and deciding if I was going to pay rent or eat, and just how creatively dead I was during that time in my life. Poverty never helped with my creativity. And so I go.
I have to have faith that this silliness will all amount to something. I did take a pay cut for a far less demanding day job, and I am applying to grad school this year (YIKES), but it’s hard to imagine end stage. I think that’s what’s tough for artists. Doctors finish their residencies and go into practice, law students become lawyers, and so on. We don’t have an end goal, really, because being rich and famous is like hitting the Lotto. I think we just have to make it up as we go along. Thanks for this – I think a lot of people skirt this issue.
You need a personal manager. Someone to check in with each morning who will tell you each step to take, manage your time to accomplish the most and will assure you the success that will bring you the most fulfillment. Of course to have this personal manager it will cost you big. You will have to let go of what you think you want to be directed into what is the absolute best for you. You will need to surrender completely to another’s plan for your life. Your mind will change, your heart and your heart’s desires will change, you will begin to see through eyes that see beyond what is visible, you will hear with ears that hear more than the spoken word, and that now sensitive heart will respond more quickly to the needs around you. You will gain contentment, joy, peace and wisdom. It will not come instantly; you will grow and mature into this new people under the guidance and direction of your personal manager.
He will only take from you what you freely want to give and He will give to you from His unlimited resources. This manager is not for hire but is very readily available. He takes calls 24/7 and answers to the name, GOD.
Perhaps a life coach would help? Look into talking with Mastin Kipp!