Today’s piece is inspired by a very funny essay on Thought Catalog. (Thanks to Lindsey Martin for sending it my way).

Excellent writer Ryan O’Connell has explored many aspects that make us 20-somethings inferior to the rest of the world. For this latest piece he pretends to go glass-half-full by highlighting 7 Things A 20-Something CAN Do.

I thought I’d help Ryan slash all of us out by taking the grand total from 7 to 14. Here is my own set of kudos to our more-than-capable generation. Read mine, then read Ryan’s, then feel free to add your own in comments. Maybe we can get to 21 (our collective favorite age)!

1. Quit our jobs without having another job lined up

It takes guts to leave a paying job without another paying job lined up, but we 20-somethings laugh in the face of going off the grid. Unemployment? Hah! Try FUNemployement.

We won’t be constrained by the man. We all paid our dues during our college internships. Now it’s time for each day to be as personally and professionally fulfilling as we deserve. We don’t need no stinkin’ health insurance (especially if we’re under 26 and can now mooch that off our parents).

2. Use Hashtags

Do you know how hard it is to take an already hysterical 140 character tweet and make it even funnier? The hashtag is the digital punchline, the golden away message of the 21st century, and we 20-somethings have a veritable degree in it. #humblebrag #whitepeopleproblems #duh – all advents of the under 30 set. You’re welcome, world.

3. Acquire Debt

Give us a credit card, and we’ll get 5K on it that puppy that we have zero ability to pay off in no time flat. It’s easy to know how much money you have in your bank account and use only that much money to buy things. What’s not easy is imagining how much money you have and spending that much, or however much what you want to buy costs – not easy for 40 year olds, that is. Mwuahaha.

4. Both Gravely Fear and Not Care At All about Turning 30

30? Ha! We laugh in its face. We’re more adventurous, capable and big-picture thinking than any 20-year-olds have ever been. We elected a god-damned president, for crying out loud. 30 is the new 20 for our generation, and we welcome it with slim, toned arms.

Unleeessss it’s an even numbered day…or we meet a guy who’s 35…or we’re about to turn 29. In that case 30 is the end of our lives. Anything we haven’t done we’ll never do because our lives as we know them are about to be over. Please excuse us while we go have some eggs harvested and then sign up for eHarmony.

5. Make Out In Public

Give us five vodka sodas and a dance floor/bathroom line/coat check corner and we will make magic (for ourselves). Who needs to deal with the awkward morning after conversation if you can get the whole hook-up over with that same night? Will-power is for 30-year-olds. We are democrats and we will exercise our freedom of speech in the form of passion-filled tonsil hockey because YES WE CAN!

6. Wear expensive clothes that look inexpensive

You think I got this ill-fitting grandpa sweater at a thrift shop for a buck 25? Well jokes on you! This fine knit is from a designer neither of us can pronounce, and I got it at a primo boutique for a cool $250. Why would I buy an old sweater that looks old when I can buy a new sweater that looks old?

7. Watch Jon Stewart

There are people who watch Jon Stewart and there are people who watch Jon Stewart. We 20-somethings are the latter. We watch the shit out of him, and then we watch it all again on YouTube the next day. Ask us what he said about Michelle Bachmann yesterday, because we’ll quote it. Ask us who he’s targeting most on Fox news, because that’s who we’re targeting too. Jon is not the host of a daily political satire program, he’s our friend. Together we are going continue to make very smart jokes about this f-ed up world, then eventually all move to Canada.