This topic comes courtesy of an e-mail from reader Caitlin in an unknown city and state.
Caitlin writes: “What is it with the allure of an older man? Is it the idea we younger girls have that older somehow means wise? (Even when the Red Flags are flyin’ high and all signs indicate that age does not equal wisdom). What’s the deal?”
Truth be told, Caitlin, I have no idea. It turned out my fourth grade teacher was gay, so that didn’t go very far, and I haven’t dated older than two years older than me since (not since I dated my gay 4th grade teacher, just since 4th grade).
Naturally that won’t stop me from making some broad, sweeping assumptions about why other people are attracted to and/or date older men. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
The whole “Daddy” thing
Perhaps it’s that some women are seeking out a “father figure” or someone to take care of them in a fatherly way on account of a bad experience in that department or some other issues. This is a grand statement to make for a person who never took a psychology class in her life (aside from one on the psychology of shopping. I’m not kidding. It was called “Shop ‘Til You Drop” and it was taught by this woman at the Boston College). Let’s just leave it at some women are looking for a relationship in which the man is much older because that woman feels like that man will be able to care for her better as a result of his age.
The whole money thing
Many older men have more money than young men. Many women like men who have a lot of money. Many men who have a lot of money spent it on women. And scene.
Some people think it’s cool
I’m going to attempt to make this point without offending anyone. It is often the case that girls date people who are wrong/bad/dangerous/different because they believe it makes them cool in the eyes of people looking at their Facebook photos. “Did you hear about Jessie?? She’s dating this waaay older guy. Ugh. Only she could pull something like that off.” So in this way the man is akin to a skin-tight day-glo tank dress.
Older men generally are more mature
It’s a proven fact that women mature faster than men. You’ll recall this from your experiences with the 6th grade. Unfortunately they don’t always catch up by the time we collectively hit our 20’s meaning some women jump ship for older pastures.
I think there’s a lot of truth to this theory, specially when it comes to women who are ready to settle down and get married. Yes some men in their early/mid twenties are prime for the picket fence, but many many more men in their mid 30s are ready. I don’t have research around this, but I’m going to go ahead and call it a fact.
You can’t help who you fall in love with
A favorite saying of grandmothers, gays and a post-Lyle Lovett Julia Roberts. It is possible that there’s no angle at all to a cradle-robbing scenario. Unfortunately convincing your Aunt Edna in Scarsdale of that fact will be difficult. Probably best to block her from commenting on your wall.
10 comments
Comments are closed.
I typically date guys older than me, ranging from 2-10 years. I’ve been described as an “old soul” so that’s why I think I am attracted to older men. They’re more interesting. They have had lots of life experiences. They typically know how to treat a lady because they either a.) grew up in a time when courtesy was valued or b.) their life experiences have showed them that courtesy is beneficial for getting ladies. I find that men my age (27) or younger are timid, confused, and unsure of themselves. Older guys typically have their sh*t together. The gentleman I’m dating now is 9 1/2 years older than me and he’s wonderful. I adore him. He’s interesting to talk to, has a great job, and a nice house. I feel like I lucked out. Though I’ve never been one to care much about money, it is nice to date someone who is responsible with their life.
I agree with the last point the most – You can’t help who you fall in love with. Whether he’s old, young, fat, skinny, tall, short whatever!
I think it’s possibly a combination of a few of those things. I’ve almost always dated about 4 years older, and it’s always been because of a mix of reasons. They’ve been more mature, had a real, or at least more stable job that wasn’t at McDonalds, they had money & I didn’t have to pay for everything; they typically had a car that couldn’t be heard 4 blocks down everytime it started up, and they had “settling down” on their mind…even if it was at the back of their mind, it was still there! And tied into that…I felt that they took the relationship more seriously, and I wasn’t just “someone to have fun with” to them.
I’ve always been attracted to older men. I’ve never even dated a guy close to my own age.
I’ve wondered why that is the case, and I just like how safe and secure I feel with an older man. I get a sense of protectiveness from them that I don’t really get from guys closer to my own age.
But most importantly, some of them are just HOT. :o)
I tend to be attracted to older guys, which is likely why I have such a hard time dating right now. The guys I’m in college with are generally immature/jerks, so I’ve just always liked men who are older and wiser…Which is why I always had crushes on teachers, haha…I imagine if I get into a serious relationship someday or get married, it will be to someone several years older than me.
This is the dumbest post I have ever read.
I’m older, but I would guess it’s a combination of all of those things. Plus, there’s the one you didn’t mention, there are the older guys who want to have the pretty young thing on their arm. It validates them. When women their own age can’t pull off the mini skirts and bikinis anymore they go for the women who can. I would run from these guys, the mid-life crisis guys, if that’s all they are about. But if that’s just the initial attraction but then it turns out there’s more there and you have a real relationship, then . . . enjoy! Me? I think I’m gonna visit cougartown.
Hello, it’s Caitlin, the e-mailer. 🙂 So flattered you used my topic!
I think, along with the ‘more mature’ reason, older men TEND to be more honest and have less bullshit to deal with. But still being a younger 20-something, maybe it’s just a different kind of bullshit. After all, men are always boys. Just like us women are always girls.
I am with a man that is 31 years older than I am. I just found him attractive, we got along, and have been together almost seven years, so, in my case, it’s the last one, “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” However, I am sure there are people that fall into the other categories.
I’m an 18 year old boy and my boyfriend is 64. He is very sweet, interesting, funny, classy, generous, well-traveled, wise, sexy, and so much more. He lives off of Social Security so the relationship is not about money. He went on his knees to ask to be my boyfriend, what a gentleman! He treats me like royalty even when I tell him that I don’t need to be treated like a prince. He always has the highest respect for me, and gives me advice. When we have our “pillow talk”, he tells me his wonderful stories and experiences like when he climbed Mt. Fuji as a child, or when he saved a blind old lady from a fire. He helps so many people that his phone is constantly going off, and it torments him. I’m trying to help him stabilize his life after being in a daze for a decade, and he helps me become a mature, responsible adult and a diplomat. We have so much in common. We have been together for more than 5 months, and I’m not planning on leaving any time soon. We have a wonderful future together. I know he’s not going to be with me as long as I would like, but we’ve discussed it, and we will just keep holding on as long as possible. Being in a relationship with an age difference as old as your parents is definitely a different experience, but I love him. Also, I don’t have “daddy” issues, and I’m not an attention seeker or a gold-digger, and he is not a pedophile. I just happen to be attracted to older men, and he likes college-age boys. We all like different foods, colors, and music so who we fall in love with is just our taste. What can I say?