Sometimes it’s still the simplest steps that stress us out the most.

I recently received an e-mail from a blog-reader recounting her g-chat with a male friend – that is if you can call one person questioning, deleting, and re-writing every sentence of a five sentence e-mail and the other person responding, “JUST SEND IT,” in every possible form. The e-mail in question was of course to a girl – more specifically a girl he’d just met at a party and now wanted to follow up with in an effort to schedule drinks (the word we 20-something use so we don’t have to say date).

Reading through his painful process I realized we’ve never covered this most basic issue – what to say in the first e-mail you send after meeting someone. Awhile back we covered what e-mails you should never send, no matter how annoyed you are with the radio silence from that person you just met – arguably the more commonly faced issue – but the issue of how to structure the first response to what seemed like a hit-it-off encounter needs attention. So here, finally, is a little cut-and-paste action.

A quick/qualifying note: if you find yourself in a scenario in which someone gives you their personal or work card and says, “call me” – do not e-mail them, even though there is an e-mail address on the card. Simply place a call and speak the words I’ve outlined in e-mail form below. If you e-mail a person who explicitly tells you to call them you immediately lose points. It goes like this, “Yeah, I heard from him, but he e-mailed me instead of calling. Lame.” True story.

The scenario: you meet someone at a party who gives you their personal/work card and says, “Really great meeting you. E-mail me. We’ll get together.”

Decoding the meaning: This means he/she experienced enjoyment, pleasure, happiness and/or excitement as a result of meeting you. Because of this they would like you to get in touch via e-communication for the purpose of scheduling a time to be in the presence of each other again.

But why an e-mail instead of a phone number? And isn’t the business card the blow off? And does “we’ll get together” mean for drinks or dinner? Alone or with a group? This week or next month?I don’t know, and neither do you. What you do know is that this person provided contact information and told you to use it. Let’s celebrate the small victory and worry about what you’re going to get them for Christmas when we have that bridge to cross.
The response:

Timeline – You can wait one, two, three, four or five days to e-mail someone with whom you’ve had an excellent first-connection. Any more and they’re skeptical.

Wait, what? why? rules?This isn’t a dating rule – it’s a fact of life, and same applies to interviewing for a job or sending someone a gift. We expect a timely response to an expression or encounter in which it is clear that both people feel similarly. How would you feel if you met someone you thought you hit it off with and they didn’t hear from them for two weeks? Right.

Structure –

1. Simple subject line
2. Simple salutation
3. Reference of time you met
4. Specific detail to showcase attention paid to time you met
5. Suggestion of follow-up meeting (including date/time offer)
6. Suggestion as to manner in which person should response
7. Sign-off.

Sample –

Subject line: Hi

Body of e-mail:

Hey Jessie,

Hope your week is off to a good start. It was really great meeting you last weekend at Abby’s party. I told my roommate we need to break our lease and immediately move to a place with an AstroTurf roof. That was incredible.

So we should get together sometime soon for a drink. How’s next Thursday night for you? Let me know if that works, and we’ll pick a spot.

Talk soon,
Mike

Some notes:

• Do not lead with, “It’s Mike, from Abby’s party Saturday night.” TRUST ME, she knows who you are.
• Feel free to go with more personality slash a joke in the “specific detail to showcase” section. That’s your time to shine.
• Do not over think the “specific detail to showcase” section to the point of not sending the e-mail. If you’ve got something, great. If you don’t, move on to the next section.
• Yes, suggest an actual date for the drinks. Not suggesting a date just means more awkward back-and-forth intro e-mails trying to figure out a date. Place the ball solidly in the court of the other person and let them handle the next move.

That’s it? Seems short and stupid. Should I suggest dinner? What time of day should I send it? Should I send it from my work or personal account?Yes, that’s it. It should be short and it just seems stupid because you’re insecure about it. I’d stick with drinks, but that’s just me. It doesn’t matter, but for the purposes of providing direction, send it between the hours of two and eight pm.
See – here’s the thing. In sending a response at all (and within the five day window, please) you are placing yourself 10 steps ahead of most people in the world. You cannot control what’s going on on the other side of this e-mail. A million issues stand between you and marriage to this person. I say focus on the two very specific issues at hand. 1. This person told you to e-mail them because they want to see you again. 2. You want to e-mail this person so that you can see them again.

Best case scenario – you go out and it goes well. Worst case scenario – this e-mail downward spirals into a ridiculous chain of confusing e-conversation and the date never happens.

But then you’ve avoided dating the wrong person, which in my opinion is always the second best case scenario.