Yesterday’s post raised some eyebrows, but the most consistent response from those who commented and/or gchatted was essentially – “yep, sounds about right.”
Was anything in this guy’s account shocking to me? No. And for the record – the uncensored version contained some crude assessment of Katrina’s physical nature and the guy’s experience with self-proclaimed “whiskey dick” that seemed unfit for even this blog. To give you the summary in less graphic words: guys like thin girls and if they drink too much they struggle to perform. Even that wasn’t shocking.
Not all guys act/think like this but many do, even the “good ones” among them. Do all guys doggedly pursue one night stands with whomever they can get? No. Would most guys go home with a girl on the first shot and sleep with her if he was drunk and she was willing? Yes.
This is why – guilty though I feel – I will always respond to the classic but-he-seemed-like-a- good-guy whine with, “but you knew him for less than six hours, all of which were spent drunk.”
Does that make my cynical? Maybe, but it’s a drunk hook-up situation. I’d like to think my low expectations just make me sane…
Now outside of the fact that we expect guys to think and behave like this guy did, there are a few interesting issues present in the story.
1. She initiating the going of home. She said, “or we could just go back to your place.” She consented to sex. And then she consented to morning sex after the first sex was bad. Ergo – I don’t feel bad for this girl, and I don’t think she’s looking for pity. Like I said to Doug online yesterday, I don’t think as many girls go out pursuing a one night stand, but I think many say the opposite of no after a bunch of drinks and some interest from the guy. She was as into it as him, which changes my view of him as the exclusive villain. No one’s the villain – they were both just drunk and horny.
2. For guys – or at least this guy – sex is about the sex feeling good and thus making the guy feel good, but it seems to also be about the sex being good, the girl confirming that, and the guy feeling good (emotionally not physically) as a result. His reaction to that girl telling him she thought the sex would be better knocked him down a few rungs slash entire ladders. (Also, (Dear Katrina, hahahahahahahaha and thanks. XO -Jessie)
3. Sports movies are the single greatest resource for male stupidity. This dude had morning sex with a chick he did not enjoy sex with the first time because of an Al Pacino quote from Any Given Sunday. Next to him reading Robert Frost poetry in bed, that is the single saddest part of the story. And not because Any Given Sunday is a bad movie – it’s a great movie. Let’s leave it at that and not use it to justify bad morning sex.
4. Alcohol changes everything. This needs no further explanation.
To answer the many questions I received on the topic – no, this guy doesn’t have a blog…yet. But you can read his same story over 200+ pages in a book called I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by a guy named Tucker Max. Same shit. Different guy/girl/night/morning/Al Pacino quote.
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J – interesting analysis and commentary. Not to be the token feminist here, but just because she said, “Or we could go back to your place” doesn’t mean she consented to having sex with anonymous dude. Perhaps she just wanted to make out, do everything but sex, or even cuddle. Girls are weird like that. I just worry about the assumption that is made when someone agrees to go back to someone else’s place.
This may sound like a defense of this guy, but it’s not. I do believe intentions, regardless of results, matter. I know a lot of guys who might have had the same experience, but their assessment/judgment/retelling of it and what they took away from it were totally different. Tucker Max is a douche because of his actions, intentions, and reflections.
Do intentions/reflections mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things? Not when the same action is taken over and over again. But from reading this guy’s perspective, I don’t consider him of the “nice guys” grouping. He knew what he was doing and got what he wanted without consequence. He took advantage of the situation he was given. He’s just your average guy.
PS I agree with anonymous that there is ambiguity in “consenting” when two people agree to have sex when drunk. But I believe this situation to be more innocent than it actually sounds in writing. The account comes off with some kind of false bravado that I have trouble accepting as total truth. Where’s Katrina’s perspective? Can you ghost write that one, Jessie?
Anon1- Yep you are being a token feminist. So i’ll be a token dude. So you think this girl slammed back cocktails with this guy till 2AM, separated with her friends, suggested they go to his house and the were going to… cuddle? Really? To cuddle?
In all seriousness though- there was no consent when she hopped in the cab to go to dude’s house but I would argue there definitely was intent at that point. He didn’t say something like “she said she just wanted to take it easy but then I, blah blah” because then I would call shenanigans. But he didn’t so she went along with it and got some terrible sex out of the deal along with some crappy Frost poetry. Probably at the very least made a good story for her girlfriends. I bet there is a less than 1% chance she had an orgasm. Sounds like a crappy deal imo.
Agreed with Anon3. If she’s old enough to know her way around bar culture, and sexually active, she was aware of the interpretation of *possibility* in her offer to come back to the guy’s place. She said “go back to your place” with no specific action; if she simply wanted to cuddle, the onus is on her since she made the offer. This is underlined by her bitchiness in slamming the guy’s performance. He may have sucked in bed, but it’s a pretty cold thing to say to a guy who was otherwise benign in flirting her up.