I’m moving out of Manhattan this week.
On Thursday night my dad will (attempt to) park the minivan and help me cart four years down the four flights of my Greenwich Village apartment building. Then I’ll make him knock me unconscious before we drive away from my beloved neighborhood en route to the place I’ll be calling home for the Summer – home. Specifically, suburban New Jersey. More specifically, a second floor bedroom I’ll share with my 20-year-old sister.
All together now…deep breath…
On Thursday I’m moving out of my Manhattan apartment and into a bedroom in my parent’s New Jersey home that I’ll share with my little sister.
As my friend Paul said, “Oooh girl, this story better be good.”
Thing is – there isn’t really a story. Four plus years ago I moved into a $900 a month 28th Street sublet with zero savings on a 30K salary. Six months later I moved into a new sublet, $50 more expensive, on that same income. In a year I switched jobs to a 35K gig and my rent increased to $1,000. Now three jobs in my salary has increased, but not significantly enough for me to save any real sum of money. The debt I incurred in those years of very little income is something I chip away at monthly. Add in college loans and typical life costs, and I’m certainly getting by but not comfortably. I still live paycheck to paycheck.
I mention these really personal details because they’re shared by so many 20-something city-dwellers pursuing careers in industries with low pay scales. These are desirable and important jobs – jobs we work hard to get and hard at once we’ve gotten, so there’s no regret involved. It’s just the way that world works, and if you want in you have to be willing to take the good with the bad. I am not financially secure, and I know many of you aren’t either.
It dawned on me a few months ago as I was contemplating what the next five years of my life might look like that every possibility I can image or change I might desire is limited by my financial situation. I don’t have a safety net. I don’t have a cushion. And so there are ideas or projects or changes that I can’t even entertain because I don’t have the means. I have to keep peddling, and really I should seek opportunities that make financial sense. Read: I should sell out.
That’s not okay with me. I don’t want to feel trapped. I don’t want to feel beholden. I don’t want to miss out on exploration and travel because I can’t afford it. And more importantly, I don’t want to throw it on a credit card, and I can’t just ask my parents for an 8K nest egg.
When I first graduated from college my primary goal was to keep life as much like college as possible. I didn’t know what lay ahead, but I knew I needed to be as social and active as possible – to dive in and live life in the city. My concerns were not financial, and I wasn’t frustrated by having to pinch pennies. Just being here among it all was what mattered.
Now my priorities have changed. I’m secure in my friendship and comfortable in my job. I can navigate the city and myself in it. And I know when it’s time to go home versus when it’s time to switch to shots. I could continue to pinch pennies. I could get by for years without solid savings, but I don’t want to anymore, and thanks to a family who has room and patience and a house commuting distance from the city for me, I don’t have to.
A lot of post-grads spend their first years after college living at home to get on their feet and lay the groundwork for an eventual move. I’m taking a bit of a different approach – a sort of mid-20’s city sabbatical. From now until I’m-not-sure-when, a subletter will fill my spot as I experiment with a departure from my fast-track life and to a more savings-oriented lifestyle. I don’t know what will happen at the end of the Summer. Maybe I’ll move right back into my apartment, maybe I’ll move somewhere else, but whatever I do will be what I want most because I’ll have the options to follow that desire.
This is difficult on a number of levels. It’s difficult because I have a co-dependent relationship with Manhattan and, more specifically, Thompson Street between Bleecker and West 3rd. But outside of the obvious I’m-going-to-hate-commuting sentiments, it’s difficult because part of me feels like a failure. I haven’t been entirely responsible. I haven’t taken the most sensible jobs. I have followed my passions versus my logic, and those decisions have consequences. It’s a strange feeling to know that you’re successful in so many ways but not the way you absolutely need to be to play at life. You can’t call Delta and say, “Sooo, I can’t afford that flight, but I’ve written this blog three times a week for two and a half years so how ’bout you just give it to me on account of I deserve it?”
Would I change anything, no. But will I now sacrifice what I wasn’t willing to sacrifice before, yes. I’m ready to make that choice now.
It’s only a few months, I keep saying to people when they stare at me with wtf-are-you-thinking faces. But it’s not about the amount of time or the distance from Manhattan or even the fact that I’m about to revert back to my six-year-0ld sleeping situation. For me this is about addressing a source of stress and hold-back in my life and finding a solution to move beyond it.
First I had to say, this is what I want to change. Then I had to say, this is what I’m willing to do to change it. And on Friday morning and the many mornings following I’ll have to say, this is what I’m doing, and this is why.
Wish my family luck…
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Don’t think of it as selling out, but rather as growing up. I find myself in the same situation besides the fact that I live in a much smaller city, and I have a 2 year old son. I have wasted many years spending money on “things” when I should have been securing my future and that of my family. I’m turning 27 next month, and I have realized that I can’t enjoy that illusion of being care-free anymore. I think we 20-somethings deserve more credit for making the tough choices now rather than waiting until someone says, “Why don’t you DO something with your life.” You don’t have to give it all up, just plan further ahead. I’m sure everyone will be pulling for you!
wow – this should make for interesting posts coming up.
one “interesting” part of the post though. You wrote: I have followed my passions versus my logic, and those decisions have consequences
written in the context there it seems like you’re saying following your passions has been a bad thing. Having done the opposite and followed more of my logic I’d have to say following the logical choice has much worse consequences.. you get too lazy and comfortable and end up XX years later in a spot going wow, i wish I followed my passions.
don’t get me wrong – i get the money thing. figure that out (i.e. – sleep around for money like SOOO many girls in your situation or like an ashley dupre or cash in on the blog in a new way).
p.s. – what’s with this moderating comments thing — no good blogger does that. sheesh. what are you so used to working with risk adverse companies you’re not willing to open up the comments?
I recently made the same decision, for the same reasons, and now I sleep on a trundle bed and pack lunches for a couple of sixty year-olds. I think I’m probably older than you, too.
I really enjoy the meaning behind this post. I feel that embracing your independence is a great way to experience life. Sometimes you have to escape what you know to find yourself.
It’s called living in a borough, princess.
Am I missing something, or did anonymous suggest that you start turning tricks? Oy.
Really interesting post, Jessie. For years I’ve wondered how my friends have survived in NYC, on salaries I imagined (and you just confirmed) were similar to mine. Tough choice for the short term, but I’m guessing you won’t regret it in the long run.
Good luck with the inevitable running into our old high school classmates, and everything else that commuting from “home” will entail!
Since when did Jersey become a “borough”?
I think you missed the entire tone/point of this post.
Thank for your honesty in this post. They say money can’t buy you happiness (and I agree), but money problems can definitely prevent you from pursuing the things that make you happy. Kudos to you for taking a brave step that will ultimately get you closer to your goals. Many 20-somethings I know would be too proud to do the same. Good luck!
This is a different Emily from the one above! This post does you some serious credit, my friend. Thanks for your honesty. Many of us are in this boat and the fast that you have admitted all this and made a move to fix it is a sign of your growth as a person! Good luck to you!
@Anonymous, I wasn’t suggesting that Jersey is a borough. I was suggesting that living in a borough is a much better option than living in NJ. You get to save money, and you don’t have to live in NJ.
I stumbled across your blog after reading your article on Lemondrop about the 5 month shopping cleanse. This post was the most refreshing thing I’ve read in a while! I’m 28 and have found myself in the same boat money wise since graduating from college. Unfortunately, moving back in with my parents is not an option for me (I live 2.5 hours away from them). I’m in advertising and my salary has always been well below that of my peers. Currently, I make $38K and pay $900 rent. It’s difficult to feel successful when you question every purchase and barely make enough to save. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!
@Herman
I still think you missed the whole point of the post. Jessie has the option to live with her parents, and it’s the only way she’ll be able to save enough to move towards other aspirations. Moving from a $1,000 apartment to a $700 apartment is great, but not paying any rent will get her wherever she’s going faster. I don’t see how that decision makes her, in your assessment, a “princess.” But correct me if I’m wrong; you meant “princess” in a negative sense.
Moving back in with your parents at the age of 27/28, when you’ve loved– even with the scrimping and scrounging to get by– the life you led in the city, is a sacrifice. And Jessie is doing that with a larger goal in mind. Again, if “princess” is used negatively, how is Jessie being one here?
Responsible decisions are always the worst. And I don’t think that you believe that following your passions has led you down the wrong road (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong), but I interpreted it more like following your passions when you knew there was something more sensible could have put more money in the bank. Everything in your past leads you to where you are and who you are, so it can’t be that bad. Good luck with the move and I hope you have a successful summer at home!
i am in my first post-college job living at home too! its not so bad i promise, you will find things you appreciate. I love my mom’s cooking and that she sometimes picks up my dry cleaning. it will be okay!