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April 12, 2010

Humiliation in the name of research: me in a dating auction

April 12, 2010

Today in I-can’t-believe-I-didn’t-come-up-with-that-first: iDUMP4U.com

April 12, 2010
The other day Nora emailed to inform me that I missed out on yet another opportunity to make a hundred million dollars.

Yes – that says “I dump for you” and its full form is iDUMP4U.com. And yes, this website does exactly what you’re goddamn giddy with hope that it does.

Here is the actual explanation from this actual website that people have actually used.

ABOUT

Welcome to a new way to pass responsibility on to someone else! Now you can actually have us dump your boyfriend/girlfriend and take the guilt off of you.
Are you cheating on someone, are you bored with someone, or maybe you just want to get out and can’t find the words?
Then how about iDUMP4U?
Simply click the link below and you will be taken to a registration page with information that you fill out about you (dumper) and the person you wish to dump (the dumpee). Just tell us why you want to dump this person, and we will do the rest! Please make sure to be as detailed as possible. This not only makes it easier for you, but it also is very helpful to a possible “Habitual Dumpee.”
Studies have shown that 9 times out of 10, the typical “It’s not you, it’s me” approach can lead to a history of several more dumpings. Why not help the person you are dumping as well as helping yourself! Then you go away with not only a free life but also that sort of “Pay it Forward” type feeling that you can only get from Helen Hunt.
iDUMP4U will also record the audio of the dumping, and after editing out any information that could jeopardize a person’s safety, we will place it on our YouTUBE site! Then others can have joy in hearing someone else getting dumped and maybe save themselves from the same fate!

PLEASE NOTE, WE TELL EACH CALLER THEY ARE BEING RECORDED, WE ALSO EDIT SOME CALLS FOR TIME AND TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFORMATION.

In case you skimmed through that and missed the part where iDUMP4U will record the audio of the dumping and place it on youtube – iDUMP4U WILL RECORD THE AUDIO OF THE DUMPING AND PLACE IT ON YOUTUBE!!!!

And guess what – THEY REALLY DO, and IT. IS. GOLD. I just spent 45 minutes listening to people get dumped over the phone by a a genius named Bradley. And let me tell you – there is nothing as hysterical as someone getting surprised dumped on the phone by a man with a movie announcer voice.

I know, I know, but calm down. Almost all the cases recorded involve the dumpee being a lying, cheating, disaster who clearly had it coming to them. …Well…except for Clark who got dumped by Brittany because he couldn’t curb his Farmville playing habit:

iDUMP4U file 02/17/10: Brittney dumps Clark

Clark loves to play Farmville™, in fact he kind of loves to play it a little too much. SO much that it has affected his work, school and even his relationship. Well Brittney has decided that since this relationship as whithered she needs Bradley to step in and harvest the fields so she can plant a new relationship later….

But I support Brittney on this one – Farmville is an absolute dealbreaker. Like, worse than Mafia Wars.

So let’s take a pause and recap.

  • There is a website you can use to dump someone.
  • It works by you supplying the persons’ name and number plus an explanation of why you’re dumping them.
  • Then a man named Bradley calls and dumps them for you while recording the session for public enjoyment…slash education

There is a fee involved, but luckily it’s based on a very logical scale tied to the seriousness of the relationship: $10 for breaking up your standard relationship, $25 for breaking off an engagement, and $50 for ending a marriage.

And though I don’t have any specific experience, I’ve got to assume $50 is a steal to have your marriage ended for you over the phone, by someone else. I mean, did you see that scene from Mrs. Doubtfire?! That shit is upsetting.

So, long story short – WOW. WOW and BRAVO Bradley.

And apparently I really need to pick up my brainstorming drunk at 3am game…

Oh, and someone please do this and report back, obvi.

4 comments

  1. Holy Moses, this is priceless! I think that I have officially lost sight of the limits to the American entrepreneurial spirit. If someone can sell this, anything can be sold!

  4. lol, is this is a joke??? I would die from sheer embarrassment and then revive myself and die again from pain. smh. . .technology these days

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