There are currently five magazines in my 300 square foot apartment featuring a picture of a stone-faced Sandra Bullock and some headline with the phrase BLIND SIDED! included (which is just like, really God, really?!).
I can’t stop reading about it – all the details and rumors and new information that’s never actually new information. I’m officially obsessed, and I could not be more pissed about that fact.
See, I consider myself fairly immune to celebrity scandal. With Reese and Ryan I was like – figures, they got married young and he was reportedly always more into the scene. Nick and Jessica – saw that coming from the first episode of Newlyweds. Kate Hudson and that Black Crows man, please. Even through the Tiger Woods shit storm I was like, wow still more women? but it felt like your typical good-guy-gone-bad fall from grace.
But this Sandra Bullock/Jesse James mess got me good. I was and remain shocked and appalled. That whore? With those tatoos?! And everyone knew it was going on?!!?! And he told that vixen he was apart from Sandra after she said what she said during her Golden Globes acceptance speech?!?!?! Is he not aware of the sacred nature of the acceptance speech love-confession moment!!! How daaaaare he…
Not since Karl Rove’s handling of the 2004 election have I been more inclined to write hate mail to a complete strange who absolutely does not read his own mail slash care.
“Wow, you’re really into this Sandra Bullock thing…” Geanna said as I placed another UsWeekly on the stack currently taking over our TV tray slash dining room table.
Yes, I really am. Which begs the question – WyTF am I?! (it’s like WTF but with “why” – get into it).
These are celebrities I do not know leading lives I follow via unreliable sources going through the same shit most other celebrities and millions of regular Americans experience every single day. Why I am more hurt for Sandra and more stark-raving at Jesse than I’ve been at any other adulterous A-list spouse to grace the cover of the weekly’s? Is it because it happened eight – and again for effect – eight damn days after her Academy Awards moment? I mean yes, but not – that’s not the crux of it… Is it because she has that adorable relationship with his little daughter that’s been catalogued throughout the pages of People mag for the past five years? Also no… Could it be because his name is Jesse, and I feel some name-related responsibility around the situation? Maybe, but that’s ridiculous…
When I re-read all my current Sandra articles, and then think about it so more the answer I come up with is maybe more embarrassing than the Jesse/Jessie guilt. It makes me sound like both a crazy cynic and hopeless romantic – the kind of person who falls for gullible fairy tale love stories you only see in Ashton-Kutcher-shit movies. I don’t tend to be that person, but we can’t help what we think, so here goes:
It’s because Sandra Bullock seemed like the kind of woman who would never fully surrender to love unless she was absolutely sure it was right. And so she didn’t, publicly, for many many years. Then at the not-young age of 40, after meeting a very unlikely man, she finally did – so much so that she very publicly dedicated the greatest career success of her life to one Jesse James – the man who finally taught her what it meant to love and be loved. And then this happens.
Sandra Bullock is the woman I’m terrified of becoming – I mean, she’s the woman we’re all terrified of becoming, but to me there’s this deeper level fear-factor surrounding the fact that she wasn’t a believer then found herself transformed by a love she’d “just never experienced before” that makes it so much worse.
A lot of women fall for the wrong men and find themselves in situations just like America’s sweetheart – women without Academy Awards on the mantel to remind them that they’re better than some Nazi-tattoo clad ‘ho. But in my head I’m always able to assume – falsely or otherwise – that those women were naive to the warning signs, attracted to bad apples, not equipped with enough self-respect to get out of the relationship when the writing was on the walls. For some reason, with Sandra Bullock none of that seems to apply. This may be crazy, and probably is. Sandra Bullock may be as much of a fool as the rest of us who buy it hook-line-and-sinker, but something tells me she was as guarded and careful as they come. Perhaps as guarded and careful as me…
So then could it be that there’s absolutely no way to protect yourself against the Jesse James’ of the world?
I think the answer is yes – and we probably don’t need the covers of People magazine to learn that lesson.
Does that mean you never full surrender to anyone – no matter how much you believe in your love? An statistician would say no – the odds will be against you, but a therapist will say yes – you have to give things up if you’re ever going to make a true connection with someone.
So then what’s the real lesson in this whole public shit storm?
Never, ever dedicate an award received in a televised ceremony to a man*.
*People’s Choice is fine. Those don’t matter.
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Ugh. Yes. I agree 100% with everything you’ve written here. When I saw the first picture of that gutter-tramp ho I was like…..
Whut.
Seriously. She has a tattoo ON HER FOREHEAD. Less ‘tattoo’, more ‘stamp of stupidity’.
And that photo of Jesse James giving the Heil Hitler salute with the nazi hat on? The whole thing is just like watching a car crash in excruciatingly slow motion.
Yowch..
Oh man… the story definitely is a pretty great car crash to gawk at. But in regard to the whole idea that “it could happen to anyone?” On one hand, it took her years to settle and all, but on another hand, take a look at Jesse James’ face. He’s always looked neither cool nor trustworthy.
I think what pisses me off the most is that instead of getting attention for WINNING A FUCKING OSCAR as she should be, now she is getting the Jennifer Anistan treatment.
I’m still upset about Nick and Jessica. I thought they were so real, man… (Not a note of sarcasm. Seriously.)
i just think its worse that they keep publicizing the whole situation. Like sheesh, give the woman some room to breathe. I’m sure that with everything she’s going through, she doesn’t want to have to put on a public face either.
I liked your takeaway, its kind of like when you didn’t know if you should put a shootout to your high school boyfriend in the comments next to your photo in the yearbook!