Stephane, ZZ and I were talking about consistency in the laws of attraction over Shock Tops at Brother Jimmy’s last Friday night.
If you know Stephane, ZZ, or I you know that the strangest thing about that sentence is the Brother Jimmy’s part.
ZZ – a serial monogamist – was saying he only ever attracts girls interested in serious relationships – that for reasons he cannot define, the casual, flirty, one-make-out-and-it’s-over-girls don’t give him a second look.
Stephane – whose name cannot be associated with many things serial (unless serial talent is a phrase) – has no trouble culling interest from the casual fling set. It’s the serious, let’s-just-calmly-see-where-this-goes guys he finds missing from his cross-bar-sexy-eyes game.
And then they asked me.
At this point I can stumble-fake my way through some answer to most questions in the category other than – apparently – what kind of guys I always attract.
“The wrong ones,” I’m pretty sure I said, “and too few of them, even at that.” …And if you’re wondering how it’s possible to attract too few of the wrong guys then you haven’t lived as a single person in Manhattan for a long enough.
But it’s an interesting question, no? Whether or not people can be so consistent in the signals they send sos to only receive back interest from a specific kind of person – a “serious” dater, a flake, a quirky girl who doesn’t know what she wants. The question isn’t, why do some people always attract blondes vs. brunettes – it’s, why do some women attract men who aren’t interested in a committed relationship? or, is it even possible to consistently attract one type at all?
Back to ZZ and Stephane. For starters, both of these men are very attractive in general, so attracting some type of the same (in Stephane’s case) or opposite (for ZZ) sex is going to happen no matter what. We’re talking after that.
ZZ has a calm, quieter demeanor punctuated by moments of laugh-out-loud comedy that you don’t see coming. He’s an observer and listener more than that guy who rounds everyone up to tell a 15 minute story about the funniest thing that’s happened to him in the past 36 hours. If you watched ZZ from across a bar for just five minutes you’d peg him as a thoughtful, attentive guy who enjoys the company of close friends. But would you make the “he’s only to be dated seriously, not casually” call – I don’t know. I don’t think I could jump to that conclusion, and honey, I can jump to some conclusions…
Stephane is your energetic, multi-tasking communicator type. He’s telling you a story while dancing to Rhianna as he orders another beer. He’s as at-home in the center of a circle as he is on the edges. If you spent your next five minutes watching Stephane you’d say he was a dynamic, extroverted, excitement-prone people person. Would that make you turn away if you’re looking to be in a serious relationship? According to Stephane it would, but I can’t understand how that flip an assessment could run that deep.
We project pieces of who we are in what we wear and how we act. A gorgeous girl in mini skirt and boob shirt is probably attracting most of the room, but the quiet sensible guy isn’t likely to approach. A BMOC slinging beers over too-loud stories about last weekend at the shore may get a second look from every girl who walks in, but only the most confident among them would dare go near him. That’s just basic stuff.
This issue is around whether or not we’re exposing personality traits in mini-moves and looks that say, “professional girlfriends, please apply” vs “correct, I’m not up for anything serious.”
Is it even possible to always attract a certain type? Apparently the answer is yes. But unpacking the why’s around that is a confusing task. Sure, if you are an asshole you may attract assholes. If you’re incredibly shy you may attract your shyer types. But is “wants to be in a series versus casual relationship” a type of person? What about, “will date you for some time then pull a 180 three months in?” Saying we always hook the same fish implies that the type-casting happens on the other end too.
I – obviously don’t have an answer meaning the quandary calls for an audience poll. Do you consistently attract the same “type” – if so, what type? And, if you too have had the wonder-why… conversation over Shock Tops at Brother Jimmy’s, what’s your conclusion?
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Much like the several friends who have decided to take responsibility for introducing me to my boyfriend, I’m taking responsibility for this post (and all the others he’s been a part of). Jessie, you and Stephané can send money in lieu of gifts.
It’ll increase the likelihood that I come visit soon.
I attract different types, and since I can’t make up my mind, I always juggle for a bit, then drop them all. I’ve become extremmmmmely picky in the last few years, and now I seem to attract the guy who wants to settle down but doesn’t know how, and I can’t sit around and wait!
Strangely, I continually attract two extremes, the first being the super-sweet boys who are looking for a lets-get-married-and-live-happily-ever-after relationship and the second being the arrogant ones who you know are bad but you still want to have a one night stand with anyway. It sucks. The first type makes me feel suffocated, and the second makes me feel dirty.
After extensive research (extensive meaning 3 years of high school), I have concluded that the less personality similarities you share the person you’re with, the more attracted he/she is to you.. I haven’t yet figured out how to nail the mass of people in the middle, though!
i always,always attract the nice=to-meet-you-lets-make-out-and-be-joined-at-the-hip-for-the-next-month kinda guys..after that its over and im attached to the next guy for the next month or so!either that or i ruin pretty good friendships with one night-or 60-in the sackand im back to square one,but without a shoulder to lean on.and i’m putting out i-want-a-serious-relationship signals..or so i think!i havnt gotten to a conclusion as yet though so please publish yours here if and when you do reach one!
Hey Jessie and other readers,
I’ve written a post inspired by this one in which I attempted to answer Jessie’s question. It began as a comment here, but it ran too long, so I decided to make it into its own post. I’d appreciate any feedback on it. Hope you enjoy it!
http://piecesofthemiddleeast.blogspot.com/2010/02/response-to-20-nothings-on-whether-or.html