My friend John recently confirmed my long-held belief that when a guy’s ready, nothing will stop him from pursuing a girl.
John’s a catch. Musically-talented, Boston College-educated, 4th year med student with a great sense of humor and a group of guy friends that people write tv shows and movies about. As such he has dated his share of quality ladies — some for legitimate amounts of time. But when each ended John would admit that he just wasn’t ready to get in that kind of committed relationship.
“Then you must not like her that much…” I’d argue. “I don’t know,” he’d say, “I’m just not ready yet.”
Classic guy line.
But suddenly this past weekend over one of our tri-monthly check-in (if that means every 3rd month) he sang a very different tune.
“Jessie,” he said, “I think I’m at that point where I could really date a girl for awhile now — really be in a relationship.” And then he shared the following story which I hope I’m not butchering…
John is a runner so he went into a running store to buy whatever it is they sell there. At said store was a shop girl girl he found instantly attractive. She may or may not have been related to the store owner — I can’t remember. Given the logistics of his shopping transaction there wasn’t occasion to ask for her number (note that he never mentioned just leaving his behind. He wanted hers), so he went back a few days later to see if she was there intending to fake buy, I don’t know, probably socks.
Sadly no dice, but John wasn’t about to let this die. He went to a doctor who works in his hospital and also frequents this local running shop and told the doctor he needed to contact this girl. The doctor referred him to a family friend of the running store owner who through two additional steps that were a bit unclear (John mumbles sometimes) procured the girl’s cell phone number. John called it the day he got it and left a message for the girl.
This specific story is open-ended because shop girl’s on vacation for the rest of this week, but that’s not the point.
The point is that John finally arrived at a place where he viewed it as riskier to not go to those lengths to get the girl. “I’m just at this point where I don’t care anymore,” he told me, “I’m going to pursue it if I think there’s something there.” Is it 1 parts balls, 1 part logic and the rest what my Mom would call, “a feeling?” I don’t know. I don’t know if John really knows.
There’s this Anais Nin quote I’ve always really loved that goes, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
That is hoakey and John will roll his eyes when he reads it, but that’s exactly his situation.” It wasn’t about this specific girl — he 100% doesn’t know her. It’s about him being in a place where any girl of remotely strong interest is worth pursuing because he’s ready to find someone great. Maybe she’ll blow him off. Maybe she’ll be the greatest girl he’s ever met. The point is that he’ll now take the embarrassment of the blow off in exchange for her maybe being the greatest.
The question — per usual — is why. What changed in his outlook? When did it start? And will he revert back if a few pursuits don’t work out?
We’ll see what he has to say after I tell him I wrote this post about now need answers. Until then — what’s your take?
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I love that Anais Nin quote! I think that everyone has their breaking point when it comes to taking charge of their (love)life despite the risks involved. You see your liberty and singleness as a perk of youth. Then, one day, you realize that you want to share your life with someone in a deep and meaningful way. You’ve found enough of yourself to also want to include another in your equation. Interesting that your post centers on the traditional idea of the guy getting the girl. But is it the same for a girl getting a guy? Can a girl realize that she wants to settle into the long term with someone and go after a guy the same way that John did with that girl? Does gender even matter? I don’t know. Regardless, the object of desire, guy or girl, also has to be in that same place of wanting a long term thing or else the relationship seeker may have to continue seeking.
I 100% agree that most of finding “the one” is being ready for a relationship and finding someone equally ready.
I know numerous men who dated fabulous women and broke up with them for any number of nondescript reasons (meaning there was no specific reason for the breakup other than they just didn’t feel that it was right) and only finally settled down after they were “ready.” There was nothing specifically “different” about the girls they finally settled down with, the difference was with the man.