Why people cheat is way too loaded a question.
Today – why do people who cheat chronically and without much reservation even get into committed relationships in the first place? If it’s about the constant acquisition of diverse, exciting, sneaky sex then why bother with all the stuff that goes into a relationship you know full well you won’t treat with loyalty?
I think it breaks down to two different scenarios with a few remaining side issues (because there is nothing I love more than a bold headline followed by 200 words of copy).
WHY?
People believe they will change
I believe there is a person out there who goes in every time intending not to cheat again. They’re not proud of themselves. They’re not out to hurt their boy/girlfriend. They want to remain loyal. But like sticking to a diet, quitting smoking, or not buying shoes – it’s not that easy for some people. Yes, engaging in a sex act with another person is far more involved than resisting canary yellow cork-wedged canvas peep toes (I didn’t). And no, this predisposition toward infidelity is not an excuse. It’s just meant to explain why the cheater gets involved in committed relationships again and again even though their personal stats prove it’ll end in tears. They actually want to be that loyal person in a wonderful, loving relationship. They actually think they’re going to “be better to this one.”
People who cheat because it’s Tuesday and the girl is hot find themselves in committed relationships because there are some nice things about committed relationships. It’s the same philosophy they use to regarding the cheating. Sex is fun. Sex with different people is interesting and more fun simply because it’s more. Hhmm but relationships are also kind of fun. Alright, I’ll just have one of those too!
If you’re going to have everything you want then sometimes a girlfriend is involved. A one-night stand doesn’t call you to say goodnight or buy you presents on you birthday. Assholes want it all. That’s part of what makes them assholes. Why assholes don’t realize that they’re assholes and stop this pattern of mean behavior is an Oprah episode. Regarding why they get into committed relationships full well knowing they will cheat is something I can tackle. They do it because they want to perks of a relationship and the perks of other people while in that relationship — just that simple. Will they ever break out of it? That’s Friday’s beast…
WAIT, BUT….
Don’t these people realize that they’re going to get a reputation for being a cheater which will result in them never a relationship?
They probably do, but for as many people as are cheaters there are people willing to date them. If cheaters never found another person to date we wouldn’t have cheaters (that makes perfect sense in my head).
People who choose to cheat aren’t wildly concerned about their moral standing against greater society. Also they lie, so that’s helpful to keeping their reputation in check. All in all though — doesn’t matter. Questioning how a chronic cheater feels about their reputation is applying logic to a situation that is illogical.
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“For as many people as are cheaters there are people willing to date them.”
This is what baffles me. Assuming you’re aware of a possible past in cheating, or even if you weren’t aware and then you discover your significant other cheated on you, why get with them (or get back with them)? Is it low self esteem? Or thinking you can change the cheater and make that person monogamous.? I see it around me often and I know relationships are never black and white but it’s one of those recurring things that I often wonder why put up with the pain. Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice…
I totally agree with Anonymous. Why do people still enter into relationships with cheaters and expect them to change? Is it even possible to reform a cheater?
Some people get involved with a cheater, and do not find out right away… ergo, they now feel invested into the relationship… and feel bonded… it’s especially the case for women to feel bonded after having sex… AND some women doen’t give it up that easily to begin with, so once they do, they are more likely to continue on with the person than to quit… it will be harder to quit seeing someone who is basically “everything she wants” except for the cheating part of him… also, some men or women are damaged goods… they are more vulnerable to staying with someone that is a cheater because it’s “better” than whatever happened before they met the cheater… they do realize the cheater isn’t perfect, but it’s better than risking meeting up with someone that is even worse. One friend put it to me this way, “any port in a storm”. Probably some people who aren’t that fond of sex might not care about their cheater other – it reduces their need to put out for the cheater and might be why the other person is out there cheating to begin with. Then too, there are people who are workaholics, and they don’t care the cheater is cheating as it reduces their guilt or leaves them more time for their primary pleasure, which is working!
When do you tell on a cheater, My guy left me for another girl,girls… He moved in with her right away and she’s expecting. He lives with her and won’t see me but now is cheating on the new expecting girlfriend. I would like to tell both of them, they are not alone and she would kick his ass out and I would feel revenger for all the pain he caused me.
This guy sounds like the scum of the earth. Do you think anything could possibly make him feel guilty? I bet if they found out and kicked him out, he would just go and find new ones!
Why would you still want anything to do with him. You must have cared about him very much or otherwise, you could get away from him fast, while he’s not looking. Consider yourself very lucky to have him out of your life. It’s called a blessing
I’m a chronic cheater, I get in serious relationships and was married for 3 years. I ask myself why I do it and there’s no answer. I love my partner dearly yet I hurt him time and time again. I know I’m self destructive and I’m taking the whole ship down with me. I’m ashamed of myself, screwing a guy is the only thing I think I have to offer and it makes me sick. I’m sorry.
God loves you anyway. He gave His son to take our place so that we can be close to Him….even when He knew we screw up. Maybe you are looking for love/affection in the wrong places.
At least you’re honest…which is more than I can say for my husband. He always says he’s never doing anything wrong, which is why I have to leave him. If he can’t admit to it he will NEVER change.
It makes me very sad.