I thought my “my dry cleaner set me up” story was pretty solid. It generally trumps all other set up stories in any sized collection of people and is enjoyed by males and females alike.

Then last Thursday happened.

I was out to dinner with Gillian, Erica, and Erica’s co-worker Sara(h?), whom I had not previously met. As tends to happen when the convo turns to dating/relationships/dry cleaners the Laundro-Matt epic came up. Erica insisted I fill Sarah in. “You have got to hear this story. It is hands down the greatest story I’ve ever heard. I am actually switching dry cleaners because of this story,” she said.

Sarah was all ears.

I started the story like I usually start it, “So my dry cleaner set me up with a fellow customer who she thought was perfect for me.” I like to dive into the punch line then let it hang there as the, “NO – No WAY. How! Wow! This is going to be good…” rolls in.

But Sarah went off-script: “Oh, funny, that’s like that cab driver who sets up his passengers.”

Uuuummm, NOPE – I thought – that’s like my dry cleaner who, over the course of many months in a very hysterical accent that I have mastered, set me up with a guy named Matt who I call Laundro-Matt because that’s brilliant (thanks again Doug) and thus the story has become known as the greatest story anyone’s every heard. Please immediately take back what you just said and instead focus on what I’m about to tell you.

What came out was, “Hahaha — that sounds unbelievable – like it can’t actually be believed, in fact. I can’t wait to hear about it after I tell my story — Starch Crossed Lovers – haha – get it? – I mean working title – but hahaha.”

“No – you have got to hear this first,” she said.

What do you say to that? No. No I don’t. I don’t cause you know why Sarah – Sarah Plain and Small – Sara Lee baked goods – Sara PALIN – HA! – cause it’s a Free Country!

You don’t say that.

So — apparently there a cab driver who plays yenta to the lonely and forlorn passengers of New York City. Not like he has dating service business cards in the back seat ala a poor man’s Patti Stanger. Simply, should a passenger start to reference difficulty or frustration in the dating sector he jumps in and offers to help – says he drives a lot of people around all day and is a good judge of character – says if the person gives him his/her number he’ll gladly call if he meets someone he thinks will make a match. And then he does that – regularly and rather successfully.

Apparently it all started like this:

Since being discovered Ahmed Ibrahim has become as sought after as the famed Cash Cab proving that a. people really will do anything to find someone in this god damned jungle and b. NYC cabs have one more up on Boston cabs (which are more expensive than crack), L.A. cabs (which you have to call), and Chicago cabs (which are not all the same color and that bothers me).

Naturally I have a few questions:

Is it crazy that he does this? No, I don’t really think so. The man has been sitting in a cab 15 hours a day for the past 21 – that’s right – twenty one years. I’ve heard stories of cabbies occupying themselves in far less productive ways, if you catch my drift… He’s a good man from a culture that believes firmly in arranges marriages. My only criticism is that he’s not monetizing on this goldmine. Hopefully he’ll make it all back in royalties off the tv show I’m pitching about him. Thank you Sarah!

How crazy is it that people go for it? I can’t decide. I mean handing your phone number over to a perfect stranger in a business with a less than stellar reputation is risky, but my entire life and the email address connected with it sit on this Internet, so I’m in no position to criticize. I think the bottom line is that this whole mess of “finding someone” is a random numbers game. Stack the cards in your favor – even if it’s with a thoughtless connection to a matchmaking cab driver and you’re making some progress.

But – and most importantly – if dry cleaners and cab drivers then who else?

My initial suggestions:

• H&R Block representatives: these people possess all your tax information and many other details about the way you live your life.
• Your trainer at the gym: No brainer. They know your body type, how lazy you are, and that you can afford a trainer.
• Your office HR Representative: This might be crossing a line, but this person did interview you and hundreds of other people with similar career aspirations. Seems logical.
• Your Priest/Rabbi/Guru: Apparently these people already do this, but I wouldn’t know because I can’t quite settle on a religion. If you’re decided, use them.

And further suggestions? Any arguments against it?…