Patti – I’m confused…

I’m a loyal fan of your show, The Millionaire Matchmaker because it is wildly entertaining and oddly informative. Also with every episode I get closer to deciding if you’re a. actually a man and b. don’t have ears.

And really P – you do a hell of a business. 99% success rate!? Even if you’re lying by 20% it’s still pretty impressive.

I respect the way you keep your arrogant Millionares in line and the fact that you hired an office assistant who has blue bangs. You seem like an insane, close-minded bitch, but I can tell that deep down you really do just want to give people a love like you’ve found with your “Andy”. While I tend to think “he” is a total front on account of you’re a dude, it’s a nice story and a lovely life purpose.

But the more I watch your show the more confused I get about how we woman in search of love should behave.

See I know you’re big on the old-school chivalry and respect in the early phases of romance: make a man wait to find out your age, don’t have sex outside of a committed relationship, dating is about minds connecting. You seek out smart girls with solid education, world travel, and impressive careers as the best fits for your men. “No gross models or skinny actresses,” you say.

But when you meet with these smart and powerful women the focus shifts. You tell them to arrive for their date in a short skirt with lots of leg and high high-heels. You want boobs up and out, hair blown-dry straight, and glammed up make-up. You say, “You have to sex it up. These men want hot and sexy. Oozing sex. Sex Sexy Sexity Sex” (fine I added in that last part).  Last week you told a thin girl to lose 20 lbs.  The week before you denied someone because she had a zit.

I’m no fool Patti. I know that attraction makes the world go round. I don’t deny that a guy’s got to want you first and foremost, but your love/connection/lasting friendship headline is false advertising if your product shot is tits and ass.