A few weeks ago I wrote about the concept of maybe-people – those people you’ve always kept in the back of your mind as potential, eventual mates.
It’s clearly a very thought-provoking conversation issue – one you might want to bring up with friends over beers, say. You’d talk about what it really means to be a maybe person. How many you have floating around in your head. What percentage of people you think end up with one of their’s.
Someone will inevitably say, “I don’t have any maybe people” – to which everyone else will say, “you are full of shit.”
It all seems like the makings of great and scintillating discussion. Unless, of course, the group is composed of guys and girls who know each other pretty well – say college friends or high school buddies. If that’s the case I am warning you right now – don’t do it. Don’t bring it up. If it’s brought up, change the subject. If it’s brought up and quickly dies, let it die.
Because mark my word – as the beers and conversation continue to flow around this topic you will start to look around the table and question where you rank in the maybe/maybe-not lists of every person of the opposite sex present. If one of your maybe people is actually there you’ll become consumed with whether or not they know they’re on your list. And eventually, as things are getting drunker, someone in the group will say to someone else, “wait…am I one of your maybe people.”
And then boom goes the dynomite.
If the person says, “uh-huh, you’re one of mine” then they’re essentially saying, “yes guy sitting directly across from me who I’ve know for 8+ years – I’ve considered marrying you once, probably twice and am still considering it right now, at this moment, at this table.” This instantly becomes very awkward for everyone involved. I recommend spilling your entire beer all over the table or punching the person directly next to you in the face sos to throw the group’s attention.
But what’s worse than that – way worse – is if the person responds, “no, you’re not.” Because what they’re very clearly saying is, “I have considered everything I know about you over the past many years and decided that I don’t ever want to be with you – not even maybe.” And what can take that scenario to total fuck-yer-fun level is if the person asking is a girl and the person responding is a guy.
Do. Not. Do. This.
If you’re thinking it, don’t ask. If you’re asked it, don’t tell the truth. If you’re witnessing it go down, do everything in your power to stop it and change the subject. Induce vomit. Take off your shirt. Throw your glass across the room. Whatever it takes.
There is little that will set a girl off quite like telling her you’ve had zero interest in her, ever. If I have to explain why then that means you’re probably a guy who will likely argue, “well that’s dumb, not everybody wants to be with everyone else – that makes no sense. Cut the guy some slack!” I realize this. What I’m telling you is that it doesn’t matter. Every girl wants every guy to believe she is marriage material. This is a fact.
Consider yourselves warned.
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Jessie – brilliant! And thought provoking! And really bone chilling this time too. I’m obsessed.
I recommend spilling your entire beer all over the table or punching the person directly next to you in the face sos to throw the group’s attention.
NICE!!!!!!
agreed. bringing this up in a mixed-gender group is a recipe for disaster. SOMEONE will end up with hurt feelings