It is rare that people (who are sober) do things without some rationale or motivation. And sober rationale comes in two, basic forms: need-based (like food) and want-based (like shoes). So logic holds that if we figure out what needs and wants motivate people to go on dates that we can figure out where said needs are being met and wants being squelched thus un-inspiring people to go on date – un-inspiring being the key word here (aside from dates).
We know that dating can be awkward – we grew up with ElimiDate. And we’re not just doing this for the campfire stories. Campfires are over.
We’ve got to have a reason – and that reason’s got to be good enough to beat out five hours of DVR-ed television. Here is what I’ve come up with.
“I go on a lot of match.com dates,” said one girl I am acquainted with. “It’s fun to meet new guys and everyone loves free dinner.”
You scoff. I scoff too. But then you think to yourself, “But I do love me a free dinner” – and I do too.
2. They want to have sex.
Not guaranteed, of course, but it’ll get you a hell of a lot closer than DVR-ed (network…) television
In tales of yore people began what developed into committed relationships by going on dates. This still happens in some places, sometimes. More on that eventually.
4. They want to practice going on dates so they’re ready when someone great comes along.
5. They are forced to.
Plain, simple, effective. Some Mom/friend/co-worker/therapist says, “you haaave to go out with this person – I already told them aaall about you.” And then it becomes more annoying not to go than to just go.
6. They are very bored slash lonely.
This one is complicated. There are people out there who are not looking for sex or a potential relationship but still want to go on dates because it fills their time with conversation/attention/maybe affection. Right. That’s actually not so complicated.
Free dinner. It remains, to a degree, but the gender income divide is closing. Plus New York mag and Time Out NY put out those really user-friend cheap eats guides at least twice a year. People don’t need as much free dinner.
They want to save sex. You can get sex without the date. You can get sex without the date. (………….)
It gets you a gf/bf. It can. It certainly has. But let’s remember that motivations are based in tested logic. People do things because they believe they will work. You’re thirsty and so you drink some water because every time you drink water you feel less thirsty. But the last five to ten times you drank some water it didn’t make you any less thirsty? You might be less inspired to drink water. You might switch to juice – or in this metaphorical case…vodka.
Dating practice. This is chicken and egg. If you don’t believe dating will find you a gf/bf then you probably don’t think you need to practice doing it.
They are forced to. This remains to a degree, but we of the Whatever generation have mastered saying no – especially to our parents.
Bored/Lonely. Maybe this is my inner NYer talking, but I think we’re less bored and less lonely than we’ve ever been. Friends are a gchat away. Facebook is open 24/7. We’re more connected and over-extended than ever. If anything, I think we’re too un-bored and un-lonely to realize we could (dare I say should…) be dating.
Every point has a counter point. And, due to the many reasons here within discussed, I think the sometimes-scary prospect of a date has racked up more nays than yays.
We don’t date because we don’t really need to as much. Yes, some of us want to. Sure, others feel they need to. Neither of those things is wrong. But for many of us, at 17 and 21 and 25 and 30 – there isn’t enough concrete, inspiring reason for us to go out and make it happen.
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