I have this theory that a lot of people disagree with.

I think that if a relationship doesn’t go anywhere in three months, it probably never will.

Bold statement, but hear me out.

You meet someone you think you really click with. You go on a first date, which you think goes pretty well. You go on a second date, which you also think goes pretty well. Roughly three weeks pass.

You don’t officially schedule a third date but you’re fully engaged in night-out (some friends and I are headed to Arlo & Esme – come meet us!) and occasion-based (saw BC pulled it out against Maryland – congrats!) texting. Maybe you meet up one of those nights. Maybe you go on a third date. Regardless you probably hook up. Now at three weeks to a month in, things have shifted.

You did the dates in dresses and a button-down thing. Those brought you to nights out and mornings in. At this point you’re either in regular-ish touch with future plans on the horizon, or you’re stuck in that unreliable texting-to-meet-up zone where you’re not really sure how the other person feels. You couldn’t with certainty say if this is going anywhere. You’re pretty sure you’ll hook up again, but you’re not sure if there will be a “do you want to grab some bagels?” in the morning.

Now it takes people different amounts of time to warm up. And two, like-speeded people could take more than three months to get to a point where they’d even say they’re seeing each other.

My theory does not apply to those people.

My theory applies to situations where one person, around three months, would say something like the following, “I mean, we’ve seen each other maybe one a week for two months and I still feel weird calling him” or “I’ve taken this girl out five, maybe six times, and she hasn’t once mentioned hanging out with her friends.”

And then the person on the receiving end of that comment goes, “oohhh yeeaahh, not good…”

If two people want to be legitimately dating each other they will figure that out within three months. If two people don’t want to be dating each other they will also figure that out within three months. But if one person wants to be dating someone who still isn’t quite sure – the late-night texting, occasional hook-ups, and is-this-even-a-date?-dates can go on for a very long time – years even…

That is my theory. That three months marks the time where one person has likely made a call one way or another. They might not be saying it, but they’ve probably made it.

And so, I believe that if you’ve found yourself in that confused places after three months, you’re playing with fire. My advice, sack up and be clear about what you think is going on here or abort mission. Harsh, I know, but dating someone who doesn’t think you’re dating them is sort of like not dating anyone at all.