Subject: Please don’t sue your dry cleaner, Anna

Hey Matt,

So our mutual dry cleaner, Anna, has been on my case about the fact that we should meet. Apparently you are “nicest guy” and she seems to think I am “nicest girl” and therefore, in her mind, we should know each other.

The other day she gave me your business card from a stack you must have left in a suit jacket you brought to be cleaned.

It’s not every day a local service provider sets you up with a fellow customer, and I’ll be honest, I’m pretty curious about who my dry cleaner thinks I should meet.

So perhaps we should make a really sweet Asian lady’s day and grab a drink in the neighborhood?
Nice to finally meet you,
-Jessie-
————————————————————————
After one week and seven drafts, that’s the best I’ve got – the god’s honest truth.

When I read it, it doesn’t sound that bad. But I’ve had a few months to get used to. Matt has had no months. There’s a chance she’s mentioned me to him, but I still doubt it. To him this will be out of a place so much father than left field that it has no proper metaphorical phrase. Also, I’m sending it to his work email for that added element of whaaat?

Imagine the inbox:

• Subject: _______ Ad buy
• Subject: Site Trafficking report for ________
• Subject: Please don’t sue your dry cleaner, Anna
• Subject: “ ______ in Media” presentation

His first move will probably be to show it to a co-worker. “Dude – you need to see this.” Within fifteen minutes it will likely be around the entire office. “Smitty – you hear about that freak email Matty just got?”
Shortly thereafter the more important people from his gchat list will be informed “So…..I just got a random email from a girl my dry cleaner set me up with.”Then start the email forwards. Forward: sister. Forward: fraternity brothers. Forward: department that issues restraining orders.
The response I want:
Hey Jessie – wow, that’s ridiculous, but Anna is the best. So where do you live on Thompson? And what do you do? Let’s definitely grab a drink sometime soon. What works for you?
Yhe response I may get: Un-subscribe…
I have, as you can imagine, consulted countless members of my inner and outer circles looking for advice on this matter. Approximately half of them (including my Mother) have advised I abort mission.

• Me: I just can’t believe how far I’ve gotten in this ridiculous situation Mom! I have to follow through!
• My Mom: Far?! Jessie, you’re no where!

The rest – I’m convinced – want me to keep it going for their own entertainment, which I cannot blame. My own entertainment is a large part of why I’m keeping it going.I do have Anna’s blessing, which is probably necessary.

• Me: So Anna, I think I’m going to email Matt.
• Anna: Hahaha Jessica.
• Me: I know – hahaha – except I’m serious. I’m going to email him, tomorrow. (Her expression changes from hysterical to grave. She reaches for the small of my arm and grasps it tightly.)
• Anna: Go for it Jessica. He really really nicest guy.

It doesn’t get much clearer than that.
So after all their advice and my own accomplished over-analysis I’ve settled on this decision:
There are two kinds of people in this world. People who would contact Matt and people who would not. I am people who would. And based on Anna’s recommendation and extensive Facebook profile evaluation, I believe Matt is people who would too. So I send. Tomorrow.
Please note that a few particularly incriminating posts may disappear from this blog for an undetermined period of time.Baby steps toward the full truth…