Manhattan dogs and their mini-fenced parks make the list of staple of city small talk among things like how crowded the subways are, when the Highline is finally going to open, and if Red Mango is better than Pinkberry. We’re a simple people.
This particular dog conversation was centered on this guy’s belief that a girl with a dog is almost definitely in a relationship. Simply, if he sees a girl walking a dog or playing with a dog in a dog park he assumes she’s taken.
Right. Why? His somewhat logical answer is that dogs are a massive investment that, to him, signify major stability and adulthood therefore a girl with a dog is settled and has space is ready to care for a dog thus is probably in a relationship. A dog, to him, is a together thing.
Could a single girl have a dog? Sure, but given the percentage he assigns to that likelihood (admitting this is entirely his own thought process), he’d never approach a girl with a dog. She’s essentially dead to him.
Fine, I thought. We all have our quirks. I’d never approach a guy with a tribal band tattoo or hair in a ponytail. But that’s not because I assume he’s in a relationship, and that’s a considerable difference.
It’s worth noting that this guy really likes dogs – would absolutely consider getting one himself — and would prefer to be with a girl who likes them too. But if she already has one he assumes she’s already taken and so he moves on. All the single girls out there with cute new puggle puppies can count one less fish in the sea.
It makes you wonder though – if this guy’s x’ed out all the dog-owning girls in the world, what else have other people deemed a red flag for “relationship”? Beyond the obvious is carrying flowers or has stroller in hand, what else signifies someone is off the market?
My mind, the following:
- Is non-stop texting someone while at a bar –to me this says I have someone somewhere else that I am either with or trying to be with. Disclaimer: a game is on and guy is not with all his friend. It is my understanding that game score discussion and/or mocking is a common subject of male texting
- Is carrying a very, very full bag from one of the following stores: Bed Bath and Beyond (they hit BBB overload at one-two items), TJ Maxx (only a girlfriend would suggest TJ for discount work shirts), or West Elm (they may not be taken but they will be gay).
- Is walking around the house wares section of Urban Outfitters looking lost slash miserable: your average guy doesn’t even know Urban sells house wares. Poor dude is there because someone suggested the gold-sprayed deer antler sconces would be fab beside grandma’s antique cuckoo-cuckoo clock and could he please pick them up after work??
My list is just as judge-able as the dog-owner assessment above. But it all stands as further evidence of the sad fact that we cannot control other people’s crazy minds.
And so we return to my previous recommended solution: get set up.
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Other things that make my assume a girl is taken (aka guy illiteracy):
1.) A ring on any finger, bc the f*ck if I know what finger the engagement ring goes on. And this goes doubly for claddagh rings. If she’s wearing it, don’t matter what it actually says, it reads boyfriend.
2.) a male roommate, and that’s not assuming he, in particular is her boyfriend, but just that she’s comfortable enough to be living with a guy.
3.) constant texting already mentioned, also iPhone or Blackberry consumption/aloofness. Is she’s more into her gadget than she is into you… well, that’s just a whole other discussion.
4.) If there’s a male/female combo in the front seat of a car– doesn’t matter if she’s the driver or the passenger, she’s with him.
There are always more… and there should be some sort of universal single people signal, hand motion, or eye blink pattern.