It’s hard to wrap your brain around how not in college you are until you pay a visit to your alma mater and hang out with your sisters who now both go there, for example.
Me: So do you think everyone thinks I’m a student? Sara: No, you look old.
Every moment is a reminder of the fact that your chapter ended 3 + years ago and now someone else is having the best time of your life, only better.
Me: My god that little girl has a blackberry! Some kid: Everyone has a blackberry. Where have you been?
In hell, kid. I’ve been in hell.
There’s no lack of striking juxtapositions between college life and now, but over the course of my three days at Boston College none was more depressing than watching my sister and her five best friends get ready for a party in their Mod (a 1,500 square foot, two story condo equipped with 2.5 bathrooms, free furniture, and a backyard located among 65 other Mods in a section of senior housing best compared to heaven). In general I avoid being a Debbie Downes, but this shit was too upsetting to endure alone:
Getting dressed
- Senior Year of college: Depending on sizes you have between 3 and 6 full wardrobes to select from. My sisters Mod is complete with five full length mirrors in addition to five best friend consultants who will go so far as to select a complete ensemble for you if you don’t feel like it slash are already too drunk. They will also do your hair and/or make-up.
Junior Year of the-rest-of-your-life: Depending on the size of your apartment you have between .5 and .75 wardrobes to select from. There’s a 30% chance you have a full length mirror and a 20% chance your roommate is home to dress you – though even if she was it’s now too weird to ask.
Pre-gaming
- 21: Power Hour around 9pm to kick off the evening. Best option for a 5-7 hour evening with a peak around 2am. This has been tested at length.
25: 10:30, half-dressed, alone in your room listening to your power hour soundtrack from college. Your in-house options are a glass of wine or a beer. Go wine and you might fall asleep before midnight, again. Go beers and you might not fit into your outfit in an hour.
Boys
- BC: You know exactly who’s coming, approximately who you will make-out with and are in discussion with the girls around the short list of second options should the need arise.
NYC: You assess chances of meeting a straight, decent guy around 10%. Chances of seeing said straight, decent guy after hypothetical meeting, 3%.
The Scene
- Time of your life: Your entire extended friend group in your living room drinking 30’s of Busch Lite that cost $14.99 a piece to a mix of music you spend your entire Summer perfecting.
Now: Let’s just leave it at 2 drinks cost more than that whole 30 and your entire friend group hasn’t been in the same place in 3 years.
I got more than one weird look as I screamed, “SAVOR EVERY MOMENT!!” upon leaving the Mod. Then I saw a guy projectile vomit onto the girl holding him up outside my sister’s place. “Eeeww! I am totally not hooking up with you tonight now!” she said.
Hm. Right, I thought. Do not miss that.
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Reminds me of the time we were in Kevin’s minivan/mom-mobile and screamed out “cherish your years here!” at the frosh leaving McElroy.
Stop sulking Jessie, we’re still cool.
Another significant moment – when you realize you can’t drink 3 days in a row anymore b/c your body will die if you do.
Good lord there’s nothing that depresses me more than thinking about how awesome my life used to be. Graduation ruined my life. And on the rare occasions I do get to see all of my friends because we are all scattered across the world now, I’m depressed for at least a week afterwards when I’m alone again with a closet full of clothes I’m sick of and no one to do my hair. http://tinyurl.com/55umkf
They should have mandatory lectures at that big dorm meeting they always have on your very first night at college. The lectures should be given by people who are 5 years out of college. The message: “here’s what your life is going to be, so squeeze every last ounce of enjoyment out of your time here. If you think you can’t handle one more night out, one more friend, one more party, one more time at the sub shop or the Chinese restaurant, do it anyway, because once it’s gone, you will never, ever get it back again.”