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Parents are people too

August 4, 2008

Extra: Max’s Movie Script

August 4, 2008

You may or may not be familiar with Tucker Max

August 4, 2008

The blogger turned author turned screenplay writer whose book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell recently hit The New York Times best-seller list and is on its way into film production. Here is the intro to his blog:

“My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world.”

I think that speaks for itself.

Tucker Max started with a simple blog about the “crazy” shit he does drunk/always. The “crazy” is because it’s not actually crazy. He pounds beers, treats girls like shit, is a dick to his friends and sometimes, on particularly “crazy” nights, gets arrested. It’s stuff like – one time I black-out shit the bed but had the genius to convince the girl I banged that she black-out shit the bed because she’s a fat ‘ho who’s totally busted anyway and it was hysterical and I can’t even believe I get away with this shit but whatever girls are dumb. And then the next night…” Draw that sentence out for a chapter and you’ve got the book. Add actors acting it out and you’ve got the movie. See – “crazy”.

A lot of people are very worked up about Tucker Max. Some number larger than the voting population of most US states reads his blog and bought his book, but about half those people still hate him and everything he “stands for” (I’d say you can’t stand for being a douche, but evidence would suggest I’m wrong). Sort of like all train-wreck reality shows – the worse it is, the more people watch. It’s not revolutionary. It’s American. Calm down and stop talking about it; it will run its course.

I’ve read some of his shit (note lack of parentheses). It’s Howard Stern in blog format except all the guests are Tucker Max. Blatant, crass, insulting to women, insulting to men, and alcohol infused. My Mom would say, “ugh why do people want to hear that?!” It’s simple: it makes us feel good to know that people are dumber than us, and we find humor in watching/hearing about other people suffer. No Comm. research paper necessary.

Embedded in the writings of Tucker Max are a few not-poignant, non-theses. Call them themes:

  1. The more of an asshole you are, the more girls want you

  2. Being drunk is wonderful and an amazing excuse for almost all things

  3. The shit I do drunk is really entertaining

  4. People are dumb

I have to agree with points 2 and 4, but only if you insert drunk before people on 4. I have to ignore point 1 because it makes me angry. Point 3 is open to interpretation. I say no. The New York Times says yes.

I don’t think Tucker Max and I would get along. I laughed reading some of his stuff, but I’m still not a fan of his “work”. As Michael put it – “his blog is like the antithesis to yours.” I’m not sure there’s an antithesis to something without a thesis, but if what I’ve been writing can be considered opposite to him, that’s just as good.

But in reaction to the Tucker Max situation that everyone from Michael Ian Black to Gawker.com is reacting to I do have three thoughts:

Tucker Max is a very smart
People were writing and people were being complete assholes, but people were not writing about being complete assholes and then marketing that writing for our enjoyment. Maybe they were thinking about it, but then they all got to that point where they thought, “what if my grandmother reads this?” and moved on to other stuff. It bears mentioning that Tux went to the prestigious Blair Academy then got a B.A. from The University of Chicago and law degree from Duke. Why doesn’t he use that obvious intelligence to write intelligent things or practice law? Because smart and decent are two very different things. He saw a hole in the market and he filled it, quickly. Maybe he’s also an orphan or working under a false identity, but someone raised him to come up with this idea so chances are they exist and weren’t ministers. Botton line – he called morality’s bluff and made a shit load of money on it. He also founded a small media company called Rudius to help others do the same figuring if we’ll read one blog about a drunk asshole we’ll read ten. I’m sorry for us, but that’s genius. Gross, but genius.

Tucker Max is fucked for life
Rich, yes. And likely set in terms of future book and movie deals. But no amount of “I was just kidding” is going to land him a great girl. People will worship him but they will be assholes. Girls will date him, but only to figure out if he’s actually for real. His fifteen minutes may last for an hour if he can come up with enough material, but the Fresh Prince to Ali transition has only been done once. Maybe Tux would say, “Whatever. I don’t need a great girl, I don’t care who worships me, I’m in it for the money, and I’ll just take the 15 if it means I can get out there and have my crazy stories read by people who know how to have a good time.” Valid. Sad as shit, but valid.

One’s opinion of Tucker Max is the new, single greatest indication of their overall personality
So adjust the first meeting question string. It should now go, “So, what do you do? Oh cool, and where do you live now? Nice, fun area. When did you graduate college? Phew, okay great. And hey, have you heard of this douche Tucker Max?”

Look on the bright side. Now that he’s done it, it’s been done, so people probably won’t be dumb enough to just copy it into a million different versions.

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