There are an astounding number of things that are just too awkward for words. Not figuratively like, “wow that is so awkward I can’t find language to describe it.” Literally — as in, “I’m either going to have to ignore this situation or deal with it via text.”

Luckily the Web 2.0 boom has produced a useful resource for all our passive-aggressive needs. Someecards.com offers everything from confessions that you cheated and birthday greetings to requests for more innovative sexual positions and sympathy notes – all in the kind of quippy wit that will make it simple for you to say,” hahaha…j/k, obvi!” It’s the modern way to handle that convo you’d rather drink a bottle of hot Jager through a twizzler than have in person.

Here are some favorites based on the most pressing awkward moments of our time:

Message: Hahaha, you’re amazing. Help me get a job.

Message: Respond to my fucking emails, please

Message: FYI, not happening tonight.