Sexism: Superbowl Edition

February 6, 2008

I’m back. I think.

February 6, 2008

Red Cup, Green Cup

February 6, 2008
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“I wish life were like a red cup, green cup party,” my good friend said. We were an hour or so into a two hour coffee prompted by a particularly crazy weekend – so crazy it ended up three days long for one of us….

It was one of those coffees where you lecture each other and realize you’re actually lecturing yourself then give advice you’ve never actually taken while saying things like, “Why did no one prepare us for this?” The red cup, green cup comment was prompted by our bi-weekly whining about why people can’t just be straight-forward. In hindsight, it really was a genius theme party (second, of course, to Champagne and Shackles). Red cup if you’re dating someone, prude, or have a lot of self-respect. Green cup if you’re available, deal well with regret, or black out easily. No questions, no confusions, no mind games – just stop, go, and drink.

Truth is we’re still playing it most Friday and Saturday (and Sunday, apparently) nights – just with a distinct handicap. Sexy eyes and rounds of shots are not color-coded. Nor are sass and quick grinds on the dance floor. Those moves, no matter how seemingly see-through, are only ever grey.

I’d like to make a push for a post-grad Red Cup, Green Cup game involving bullet pointed, relationship personality details. Maybe taped to glasses or beer bottles? Or worn name-tage style right on your shirt?

  • Just ended a 2-year relationship
  • Only looking for sex
  • Prefer blondes
  • Am obsessed with my career


  • Am actually looking for a boyfriend
  • Don’t be confused by my sarcasm – it’s how I flirt
  • Probably not going to sleep with you tonight. No, definitely.

Imagine how liberating. Plus there’s the added benefit of easy networking. “Oh ‘Prefer shy girls, intimidated by clingy, don’t technically have a bedroom door?’ You’ve got to meet my friend, ‘Friendly though quiet, fiercely independent, just moved to a nice-sized studio.’ You guys would really hit it off.”

Of course, that’s to say we can all reduce our mating identity and desires to 3-5 bullet points. Which would require us make some decision about who we are and what we want…and then admit them – at least from one night to the next. Too tough. We’ve only been adults for 2.5 years.

Plus, if we could decide, and then be clear about that decision, and then take some risks to go out and get it – what the fuck would we talk about for two hours over coffee?


  1. I’m so upset we never had the opportunity to host such a party. I think the closest thing to red cup green cup was the infamous claddagh ring, which outside of BC or even Boston is rare at best.

    I’d like to explore “the gray area” a little bit. What the hell does it mean and how do we get out of it? More importantly, do we ever get out of it?

    Last Saturday night, I met up with this guy who, up until then, had been the definition of gray area. We were going on dates, but I wouldn’t consider us “dating”. We both are continuing to date other people (argument for just friends), but definitely don’t talk about it with one another (argument for more than friends). Finally on Saturday, both of us decided to drink out of the green cup.

    Yesterday, I get a phone call from the boy. Basically, he’s wanting to feel out where I am. I tell him I’m right where I always was. The conversation continues, and he seems concerned about something, which prompts me to probe a little further into the reason behind the phone call. Finally, in all my blunt, unfiltered glory, I ask “Are you just trying to avoid the gray area with me?” He laughs and responds, “My life is just one big gray area.”

    So I’m back to my original question? What is the gray area? As 20-somethings, are we required to find a way out of the gray area? Are we just setting ourselves up for failure by thinking that we could possibly figure out our lives enough to graduate to a more defined color?

    As someone who advocates against passive aggression whole heartedly, cuts to the chase whenever possible, and likes things packaged in nice, neat, organized boxes, I assure you that I am surprised that I am about to suggest this…but here goes. Instead of trying to find a way out of the gray area, what if we just accepted it and revel in the hilarity that will surely ensue from the awkward encounters and convoluted relationships the gray area is notorious for creating? Meanwhile, as you say Jessie, we can continue to use the excuse of “trying to weed our way out of the gray” to meet for 2 hour coffee breaks.

    PS I’m seeing the boy again tomorrow. I’m anxiously awaiting what our gray area has in store for this meeting!

  2. Ah yes the infamous gray area. The only probably with it is it seems to have a revolving door…where people come and go at different times. One minute you’re with someone in the grey area, the next minute they’ve crossed back over to Red. Like Thursday night at Mary Ann’s…you wake up with a hangover wondering when the party ended.

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