There’s this woman who’s decided to live exactly as Oprah says for an entire year. And she’s not one of Oprah’s servants or Gayle King. She’s just a die-hard viewer who believes Oprah’s way is the right way to lead a happy life full of love, success, and money. Or, in her words, “I wonder, will I find bliss if I commit wholeheartedly to [Oprah’s] lifestyle suggestions?”
Yeah, I know.
This lady’s plan – as updated daily on her blog livingoprah.com – is simple. Do anything Oprah says to do. So she watches Oprah every day and reads the monthly magazine cover to cover. If Oprah tells viewers that they must see “27 Dresses”, she sees it. If Oprah and her medicine man Dr. Oz tell people to drink more tomato juice, she drinks it. She also wears lots of slimming black, made an “Image” board to catalog her goals, and will vote for Barak Obama. I can’t decide what’s more concerning – that this woman is for real or that Oprah really has guidance for every aspect of life.
Will she succeed? Depends how you define that. She’s guaranteed a book deal, will for sure be a guest on the Oprah show, may end up with a column in O Magazine and, at the very least, will get major publicity for her yoga studio. So yes — on a technicality, but whatever. There’s an article about her in the Sunday Styles Section of The New York Times, which would be enough for me.
But this freak got me thinking about whose advice I would follow for a full year. Who would be the best life coach on my path to bliss? Right now it’s a mixture of my parents and whichever friend tells me what I want to hear. But if it had to be someone famous, who would be my Oprah. Here are my finalists:
Debbie Phelps – loving, single mother who raised son to win most Olympic medals ever and show emotion. Dresses exclusively in smart, bold-print blazers.
Rev Run – if you’ve seen five minutes of Run’s House this should be clear. Excellent father, loving husband, brilliant business man, related to Russell Simmons, and came up with the name Rev Run.
Not Brittney Spears – might be difficult to approach it from the angle of doing the opposite of everything Brittney does, but it does seem like a fool proof way to not fuck up.
Alfred (Batman’s Alfred) – offers the confidence of a CIA spy with the kind of one-liner, meaning-of-life guidance that would render Oprah worthless. Also is a servant – major plus.
Kate Middleton – snagged Prince William. Must therefore have all the answers.
Bindi Irwin – coped expertly with tragedy and has established 5-year-old self with own wildlife programming empire worth billions. Looks great in khaki and has adorable accent.
Tina Turner – she’s like 70-something and has legs like that. Also overcame abusive husband and, reportedly, lactose intolerance.
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