An Open letter to the remaining single male Boston College alumni attending the BC/VTech Game this weekend

October 20, 2008

An argument against reason

October 20, 2008

It is my life’s goal to determine if drunk thoughts are real thoughts.

October 20, 2008
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People always say the same thing when you come to them with shame, regret, and confusion after acting on a drunk feeling. “Well, you know your drunk thoughts represent how you really feel…”

In 80% of all circumstances that … means “about him/her”. The remaining 20 encompass career, family, health, and political issues (drunk voting kills).

I’m not sold on this.

In my near decade of consuming alcohol and then feeling feelings, I have yet to see a clear answer: YES, drunk feelings = true/uninhibited/to-be-trusted or NO, drunk feelings = like mirages in a desert of legitimate emotional connection.

We need to figure this out.

Not only because it would be helpful to have a sense of how we really feel about certain things slash people but more importantly because it would be really great to know how certain people slash things feel about us.

So far, square one. “But I like him every time I drink” isn’t evidence enough to suggest it’s correct — there’s no real control for an experiment (experimenting with one exclusive liquor per given evening was as close as I’ve come. Then I realized that in that scenario I’m the control…) — and, frankly, no success story to point to with a, “ha – I felt that way and then my feelings were confirmed and lead to a healthy, lasting relationship. Good. Done.”

In my most recent efforts to figure it out I’ve turned to the staple of our early days of problem solving: context clues. What else is going on inside this sentence that might help me determine if my mind can be trusted while drunk?

  • I am dancing a lot and if I might say so, very well: Mind in check. Dancing is never the wrong decision.  Well is a sure sign.
  • I have ordered $40 worth of Chinese food at 3am: Inconclusive. It can be very smart to fill the stomach – unless you turn into a vom-pire (© Dani).
  • I have told many people to “just put it on my tab – I have a card down”: Brain not functioning. Drunk generosity is one of the first signs of mind shut-down. 
  • While trying to determine if my mind is sound enough to correctly assess basic emotions, I am still drinking: Right. 

It’s a mixed bag. And really what’s to say a well-choreographed Billy Jean routine after one bottle of red correlates to your feelings for Joe from Accounting being real and worthy of action? The mind has many sections. Dance skills and unguarded, true love might very well be in different ones.

And so I’m left with no choice but to conduct an experiment aiming to determine the validity of drunk feelings by evaluating in how many instances they lead to actual relationships and/or marriage.  As I see it – it’s our only choice.  A civic duty to our future drunk children.

Sign-up forthcoming. You are welcome to remain anonymous – unless you’ve ever exhibited a thing for me while drunk.

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