An argument against reason

October 22, 2008

An Open Letter to the people who’ve requested I write about their relationship issues so their significant others who read this blog will change

October 22, 2008

My dry cleaner offered to set me up

October 22, 2008
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Though in fairness Anna is much more than my dry cleaner.

I consider her more of a casual friend who does various services for me at a discounted price (“Jessica – you no pay full price. You my friend.”)

As a small-ish town girl living in big city I tend to treat my local shopkeepers like 1950’s soda shop owners. There’s Deeb the falafel stand owner, Jose the parking garage attendee, Allain the doorman at the Dove (slash accomplished modern artist), and Muhammed at the liquor store. As such this set up situation is not the first time romantic matters have popped up among my Thompson Street fam.

So I’m at Anna’s (official name Best Dry Cleaners – of course) the other day when my phone rings. I would never rudely answer a phone call while Anna is showing off her latest English slang phrases (“Jessica you hot tranny mess”), so I let it go.

  • “That you boyfriend Jessica?” (she calls me this exclusively).
  • “Ha! No Anna,” I say, “probably just my Mom. I don’t have a boyfriend.”
  • “No! You lie! No true,” she says.
  • “Well, thank you Anna. I too can’t believe it, but alas this is the present situation. I’m taking a little guyaitus.”
  • “Jessica what this mean?”
  • “Right. Sorry. Just means no men right now for me Anna.”
  • “I have man for you!!” she screams.
  • “I’m sorry, whaaat?”
  • “I have favorite guy. D 111 – apartment right there. Apartment with doorman. He nicest guy.” (the value of a doorman transcends cultures – fascinating).
  • “Oookay Anna. Haha. You hook it up. Haha. Tell him I’m available and that I’m your favorite girl,” I say jokingly as I walk out the door.

Two days later:

  • “Jessica, I tell Matt allll about you. He laugh but say okay.”

While I am in no position to be refusing introductions to “nicest guy”s, the thought of being set up by my laundress brings up some questions – most notably – what kind of guy does the woman who cares for my clothes thing I belong with?
I know the following: his name is Matt. He is nicest guy. He lives in a doorman building on Thompson Street. He drycleans and/or washes his clothes. Anna adores him.
Frankly I’ve known less, but still.With this limited knowledge plus 20 years worth of over-analysis, I’ve deduced the following:

  • He is a good tipper – Every time I tip Anna she says, “Jessica – you nicest girl.” Thus if Matt is, to Anna, nicest guy, he too must tip.
  • He has good clothes – I’ve seen Anna turn her nose up at a some of the crap people drop off. She has an eye for labels. If she thinks highly of Matt it has something to do with his merchandise.
  • He is white or close to white – Anna is Korean, and I know for a fact that traditional Koreans believe people should marry within their race. Ergo – Matt is Caucasian-ish.
  • He can afford to live in the only doorman building on Thompson Street
  • He talks to her – likely – about as much as I do – I’ve seen Anna stone wall a customer or two over the years. If you pay no mind to her, she returns the favor. Matt is probably a fairly nice and conversational guy if he’s won her over.

I’ve decided to play along. Mostly because I am dying to see how she attempts to play match maker (I envision some clever switching of the clothes – our phone numbers are on the receipts…). It would for sure get us in the Sunday Times Vows section, maybe even on the Today Show. Plus I’d potentially never have to leave Thompson Street.
But bottom line, who doesn’t want some good clean fun out of a lot of dirty laundry? (please believe me when I that is the least cheesy ending of all the drafts I wrote).

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