You see this a lot in a typical bar scene.
An attractive guy walks into a bar where many groups of girls are standing in packs drinking vodka sodas and waiting for attractive guys to walk in. He instantly becomes the best looking guy in the room.
One member of every single group of girls take note of his arrival and brings the full group up to speed.
- “Girls. 3:00.”
- “Oooh – he is fantastic looking.”
- “Probably gay” (this from the most currently bitter member of the group)
- “I think he’s only hot from the profile. Look, dead on he has a sort of funky brow thing going on” (this from the girl who thinks he’s gorgeous but doesn’t want in on the game tonight. She could just say that but instead she has to be sure it’s clear to everyone else that she doesn’t want him anyway)
- “No, he’s hot. It. Is. On.”
Each group of girls inside that bar is engaged in some variation of that same reaction. I know this because they could not be more obvious about it. It’s like when two characters in a sitcom step over to the corner of a room then proceed to talk in full volume about the other character three feet away.
He can hear and see you. He’s right there.
Now there’s nothing wrong with making it clear to a guy that you’re interested, but in this kind of group scenario you’ve just given him a massive upper hand – the kind of upper hand that will likely prevent him from making the first move.
Why? Because he knows for a fact that four plus groups of girls are currently talking about how to best approach him. Odds are one of them will figure it out. In the meantime he can stand at the bar with his bros drinking brew dogs and talking in hushed volume with non-obvious body language about which betty they hope wins out. Why should he risk it with a set-up like that?
This chain of events is one among of group of things we girls unknowingly do to give guys the bar scene advantage. Other examples include dancing in a small, tight circle in a far, back corner of the bar (he’s not crossing the room to join in a rousing rendition of Sing You’ve Been Gone) and arriving with one or more gay best friends (he’s not a. taking the risk that one’s your boyfriend and b. dealing with the stare down he’ll get if they both are in fact gay)
In this particular scenario I say elect your best first-impression girl and move quickly. This is far less about getting the guy and far more about marking the territory. You are the group of girls in the bar who will not stand around and whisper about the hot guys that walk in. You are above that. You are prepared to walk right up to him and deliver the best lie you have collectively come up with.
“Hey, sorry for staring. We saw you walk in and thought you’d looked just like this guy we know from _______. Wanted to apologize for creeping you out. I’m Jessie.”
Tomorrow – an update on Matt