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January 28, 2009

My 80-year-old dentist on online dating

January 28, 2009

Hello My Name Is Genius

January 28, 2009


Time to put this blog this work.

Read through to the end. This one involves audience participation.

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I’ve been tossing the idea of offering “Hello My Name Is” tags at bars for awhile now.

It would work like this: Upon entering the bar and showing your ID you’d be given a Hello My Name Is tag to fill out (recommended, not required — the Dems are back in power). Maybe we’d put a little table with colored Sharpies behind the big-guy checking licenses…I don’t know – we’ll work it out.

Ideally you’d fill out the name tag with your actual name. I’m working on being less judgemental so if (for whatever reason) you need/want to put a lie-of-a-name on the tag, that’s fine with me (but if you ask me what I think of that without giving me ample time to prepare a non-judgmental response I’ll say I think it’s a huge mistake).

It is my firm belief that if we walk, talk, dance, and drink about any bar wearing name tags we will have a 50-70% greater chance of talking to a person of the opposite sex.

A few examples to help you realize I’m correct:

  • I will instantly talk to any man I see named Jesse. My name is Jessie, and I think it’s creepily romantic to meet a man named Jesse. There’s a longer story there…
  • I will almost always approach any man named Nathan. It’s my Dad’s name, and it’s rare. I’d say, “Oh, Nathan – that’s my Dad’s name – I love him” and things would likely develop in a positive manner from there.
  • I will probably roll my eyes and whisper to my girlfriends about any guy named ________, ____________, or __________. Those names have wronged me in the recent past. Said named men might think my pointing at them is an invitation to come talk to me. It is not, but this is still an instance of me talking to a member of the opposite sex, and so my theory holds.

But my issues aside.
If you knew the name of everyone in the bar you would use those names as you do the things we all do in bars (drink, wait in line for the bathroom, etc.). You’d say, “Hey Abby if you get the ‘tender’s attention before me could you order me a Stella?” Or, “Dave, are you friends with that guy Brian over there? I think he’s hot.” You’d do it, not only because it would aid in normal bar logistics, but because it would be rare and weird and funny, sort of like wearing halloween costumes in a bar…

The novelty factor is layer one – it provides something to talk about when you enter the bar creating an insta- sense of community. The execution of said novelty is layer two – in this case it’s name-tags which in-and-of-themselves are a community creating device. (!!!!!!!)

So here’s what we’re going to do:

  • If you own a bar, get name tags and set this shit up at your bar. Then please report back with your findings.
  • If you know someone who owns a bar, please get them name tags and make them set this shit up. Then go there on the night they hand them out and report back with your findings.
  • If you think you could convince a bar where you don’t know the owner to do this please let me know and I will buy YOU name tags so you can set this shit up (note: there is a distinct chance these name tags will say 20-Nothings.com in small writing on the bottom right corner…).

Go to work. Report back. I’m at jessie.rosen@gmail.com

Do me proud.

6 comments

  1. I don’t know if you knew this, but Mayor Denkins proposed a similar idea during the 1993 NYC mayoral race at the suggestion of his assistant, Lloyd Braun. It met with such widespread derision that some people say it cost him the election. Just something to keep in mind.

  2. would it be helpful to have different color name tags? red if you are in a relationship, green if you are single, and yellow if it’s complicated.

  3. There are tons of “networking events” that involve name tags – the most heinous (http://netparty.com/)was one that I went to where not only were the game tags required, but they were color-coded by the industry that you work in. I probably should have paid more attention to the names though – I ended up meeting and briefly dating my third Liz in a row at one such event

  4. Two things:

    1.) “Ho” is an awesome first name, and I’d totally approach you… if you are a woman.

    2.) “Game Tags”, Ben has just named this whole situation for you. Get the rights to that one, create the website, make some money off of it. GAME TAGS! It’s perfect.

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