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Starch-crossed Lovers: the unexpected afterward

October 1, 2009

The 20-Nothing Hustle: LA, New York, and everywhere

October 1, 2009

Dating: New York vs. LA

October 1, 2009

You knew this was coming…

After five days in LA I’ve concluded fairly firmly that dates slash boyfriends are more accessible here for the 20-something set than they are in New York.  This isn’t to be confused with plentiful (there are more dates/guys) or quality (the dates/guys are superior), it’s accessibility (you’ll have an easier time getting the dates/guys).  Evidence, rationale is as follows:


1. The biz – From what I gather – 85% of people in this town aged 20 to 100 work in the entertainment industry.  As such they need to go to the similar parties, know similar people, and talk about similar things.  I’m still at a rough estimate, but as far as I can tell everyone know everyone else.  People often say that dating is a numbers game; those people are correct. So by simple math if more people of the same age, mind, and location are placed in constant proximity on account of work slash life, they’ll have more occasion to meet and date.  Imagine if all of Manhattan worked in media (agency land) instead of just 10 or so % of the 20-something set.  It would be like how all those people meet, hook up and sometimes date but multiplied by everyone.  

2. The socializing – People in New York meet up at bars and parties because apartments are – on the whole – too small for groups larger than five.  As previously referenced – apartment and house parties are a far more conducive to meeting, flirting with, and eventually dating people. I’ve been in LA for five days and have attended four house parties.  This is not because I’m very cool; it’s because people have them very often. Ergo they meet people, flirt with them, and eventually go on dates.  Again, simple logic.

3. The cars – When you go on a date in New York you meet the person at a bar/restaurant and take it from there.  From what I can tell, when you go on a date in L.A. someone picks you up at your apartment in a car ala high school and you drive to the date.  Somehow this just seems more real than the cabs/subway/walking alternative.  I’m not sure how that contributes to my argument, but it seemed worth mentioning.
4. The drunk – I’ve only been here for five days – five of which I have been drunk at least once, but I get the sense that people in L.A. are – on the whole – less drunk than people in New York.  Maybe it’s the designated drivers and cars thing?  Maybe it’s the fact that there are simply less bars per square mile here? Could be that people are more concerned about their general health and appearance… Not sure, but I note a def difference, and as I’ve suggested a few times before – the less drunk you are the more likely you’ll be to get a date slash guy.  Guys aren’t asking the drunkest girl in the bar out on a sensible date, and if they are, they’re not remembering it in the morning. 
Of course when I raised my four base theories (there may be more to come; I have three more days) with my LA hosts they begged to differ on all accounts.  Their retorts:
1a. Yeah, everyone essentially knows everyone else, but that means they know all their business, history, connections, and issues.  People become deal breakers faster than you could evaluate whether they were an option in the first place.
2a. Whatever.  See 1a. 
3a. This is true but seemingly meaningless.
4a. Challenge. 
There you have it – from both the natives and the visiting observer.  Now let the arguments begin…

15 comments

  1. haha, I like your accurate stats for people in The Biz. But what’s really important is the CALIBER of the people! I totally prefer NYC (and I’m from Canada, so totally unbiased.) Of course, I’ve never dated anyone from either…

  2. haha, I like your accurate stats for people in The Biz. But what’s really important is the CALIBER of the people! I totally prefer NYC (and I’m from Canada, so totally unbiased.) Of course, I’ve never dated anyone from either…

  3. Perhaps this a problem worldwide, Miss Jessie, but the biggest problem i’ve experienced in LA dating is that you can flirt and connect with a thousand guys and still only get asked out once. Almost like, bc California is so liberal and attracts a progressive crowd, men forget to be men and ask a gal out for a cocktail and snack. If I had a dollar for every time I hung my head a muttered “Right….so would you like my phone number or what?” In this case, it’s like over before it starts if you’re a gal who likes some romance. When I’ve visited NY, I feel like men are more forward, perhaps more aggressive? Perhaps the cold and the the fact that they must trek across town on foot to meet a girl makes things more immediate…. hmmmm….. Caliber doesn’t seem to vary much, in my opinion. Shitty people are everywhere, and so are wonderful ones!

    That is all:)

    Love ~N~

  4. Perhaps this a problem worldwide, Miss Jessie, but the biggest problem i’ve experienced in LA dating is that you can flirt and connect with a thousand guys and still only get asked out once. Almost like, bc California is so liberal and attracts a progressive crowd, men forget to be men and ask a gal out for a cocktail and snack. If I had a dollar for every time I hung my head a muttered “Right….so would you like my phone number or what?” In this case, it’s like over before it starts if you’re a gal who likes some romance. When I’ve visited NY, I feel like men are more forward, perhaps more aggressive? Perhaps the cold and the the fact that they must trek across town on foot to meet a girl makes things more immediate…. hmmmm….. Caliber doesn’t seem to vary much, in my opinion. Shitty people are everywhere, and so are wonderful ones!

    That is all:)

    Love ~N~

  5. So fun to hear a visitor’s thoughts on the LA dating scene! I always thought people were more accessible in NYC due to the all the walking and public transportation but you may be on to something with the connections in LA. Enjoy the rest of your trip… and if you need a happy hour suggestion, we got ’em!

  6. So fun to hear a visitor’s thoughts on the LA dating scene! I always thought people were more accessible in NYC due to the all the walking and public transportation but you may be on to something with the connections in LA. Enjoy the rest of your trip… and if you need a happy hour suggestion, we got ’em!

  7. As a New Yorker, I agree that more house/apartment parties are needed in this fine city. Since all guests must have been invited by someone, at least one person thinks each guest is a decent enough human being. Already your chances of success are way better than a random at the bar.

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  10. I’m not sure about the accessibility of dating in LA versus NY but I can say from being in NY for 6 years that dating in this city is not all it’s cracked up to be. Then again, as someone who works in the industry, I don’t know if I would want to date, have friends and work with people all in the same industry. Sounds dull.

  11. As a former Angeleno, I’m semi amused by the assessment of percent of people in the entertainment industry. First, not even close. Although it does get to another point, people tend to run in similar social circles, so it will seem like everyone you know is a) lawyer, b) in the entertainment industry, c) consultant, d) part of an ethnic social circle, etc. I can assure you that I knew a total of one person in the business and none of my friends new anyone in the entertainment industry.

  14. After living in NYC for the past three years and planning to move to LA in January I’m curious to test your theories and will keep you posted on my observations.
    Dating in NYC is def not easy… living in different parts of the city, Upper East Side and Soho for example, is basically considered a long distance relationship. Craziness!

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