They say we’re the generation that has everything. Instant access to the world wide web from every public park in every city. Seamless web for ordering in any food we can imagine. “Keep the Change” from Bank of America so we don’t even have to remember to save money. And phones so advanced that they can turn our voices into the voice of T-Pain.
And yet call me ungrateful and strangely obsessed with solutions for modern dating issues – but I think we’re severely lacking in the tech-based solutions for the biggest beast we’re facing: modern dating issues.
Here’s a few of the things I think we need. (yes Brian – I’ve already written all these ideas down and mailed them to myself. Nice try.).
Sarcastic font
I am almost always kidding. When chatting online I am always almost always kidding. More significantly, I am absolutely almost always kidding when flirting online. This raises (has raised…) some awkward and confusion that’s inconvenient to my goal of making guys like me. You might say, maybe you should learn how to be sarcastic better. I might say back, maybe you should just be more naturally compatible with my sense of humor.
Regardless, what would solve your problem and the problem you think I have is if we had a universally recognized sarcastic font available for use when our tone required that of bone dry sarcasm. Not like Comic Sans – the font of elementary school teachers and my friend Rachel Isaacs – or Copperplate – the font of assholes – I’m saying some kind of original invention of whatever design school student is interested in sharing a gabillion dollars with me. I’m thinking san serif, but that’s just because I’m a san serif snob. All ideas are welcome.
Variations on the ellipsis
The amount of times that I go … in a text sos to add an air of sexy to the tail of my message is ridiculous and embarrassing. Now I do this because if I were in person I would end the verbal version of whatever I’m texting with a smile or wink or giggle or indescribable eye-lock of longing that punctuates certain jokes/compliments/sarcastic comments oh-so-effectively. In text – no such moment, and so I … the shit out of my 120 character emotion-package blackberry boxes without any distinguishing from a light-flirty sigh and heat-laden innuendo.
It would be aggressive slash terrifying to take a photo of myself making the appropriate corresponding facial expression and send it along w/ the text (right?), but some alternative versions of the three-dot linger would be super helpful. I have no ideas on this one. Just putting it out there.
Time-stamp address book function
Sometimes I forget how recently I texted someone because I like them a lot and want to text them, say, all day long. This isn’t good because I have a day job and also made it a resolution not to scare anyone away in 2009.
But if when I went to select a given person’s name out of my blackberry address book there was a time-stamp beside their name highlighting the exact minutes since I last texted it might help me better measure my bombardment of that person’s inbox. I would see ________: 0:45 and note that waiting until it’s been at least a minute to start a new text convo would be better slash best.
Straight to voicemail calling
In college our dorm phones had this function where you could leave a person a voice message without their phone ever ringing. Correct – you never had to worry about them picking up and you sounding like a bumbling idiot because you could rehearse your speech and leave it calmly in their inbox. Yeah it sometimes backfired if they were in their room when you called thus figuring out that you ghost-called them like a large child, but you didn’t have to see them make that realization, so it was fine.
I’d like this option now – for all cell phones.
GPS-based Text Reporting
I have this theory that it’s not only when but also where someone texts you from that holds significance to the meaning of the text. From under the table at a dinner party with friends – they like you. From the dance floor of a wedding – they really like you. From the adult section of a video rental story – they’d like to sleep with you.
This is for sure going too far, but it would be awesome to know exactly where someone stops to think about you. Unless it’s example number three.
I’m not an iPhone user, so there’s a chance there’s already “an app for that” – as the commercial goes. But if there isn’t, and you know how to make one, shoot me an email. I’d be more than happy to go into business with you…*
*I would twiddle my fingers a little, exaggerated mad-scientist style. This would be a joke.
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I know this isn’t necessarily the point of the post, but can I add (re: today’s technology & modern dating) that you CAN NOT ask people out over gchat, email, or text, unless you tell them it’s a date (otherwise it sounds like a friendly invite – emphasis on FRIENDS). And even then, it’s kind of weak to ask over the interweb… Just one girl’s view from experience…
If someone is texting you from the dance floor of a wedding, and you aren’t there date, he doesn’t like you very much.
Leo Marvin – what if they weren’t given a +1 ?
Anon, I’m just point out the sloppiness of these blog posts, and the utter ridiculous world view the girl has.
Hi Jessie,,
You might find the 3G Dating Agency interesting.
Using 3G Video Mobiles it can be accessed anywhere at anytime. It uses a message threading system that does the time stamping (just like you wanted it!. Offers 3G video dating to make things are safe and ensure everyone is aged over 18.
Regards,
Romi
It’s funny that we SO have everything that these fun things are the things that we say “NO! Look, we don’t have EVERYTHING! We don’t have a sarcastic font!”
I love sarcasm.
loved the ghost calling in dorms, my phone had that too. Why has that only been introduced in the college market?
Oh god, please deliver us the sarcastic font. Please? The amount of times I get myself in trouble because something thinks I’m serious is alarming. But I’m unwilling to give up sarcasm.
Leo Marvin,
If that was your intention, you’ve done poorly in showing the author’s sloppiness and/or ridiculous world view. Although we may not agree on everything, she does have a point in that “where” you text from is almost as important as “what” you are texting. And the wedding examples fits; if he’s texting you from the dance floor, he’s either into you… or all the other women at the wedding are unavailable/not holding his attention.
Either way, it’s not such a ridiculous idea to want to have a text-location-locator for our phones, now is it?
slydial.com — straight to VM calling. the. best. thing. ever.
sarcastic font. genius! you should write patent pending next to that because it’s just pure genius. go on elance and hire a designer immediately to do it. or i will and never admit i saw the idea here. mk
To just send someone a vm without calling them, all you have to do is dial YOUR vm and there is an option for that…problem solved.