You want to really upset someone, forget to tell them that you moved out of the city and back in with your parents a 2-hour bus ride away…
It’s not that I forgot to inform certain people, it’s more that I couldn’t get the full, well-rehearsed, why-I’m-doing-this speech into a text message or voicemail and e-mail seemed too I-think-this/I-am-important-enough-to-send-an-email. So in the absence of a group-skype session I opted to do nothing resulting in conversations like the following:
- Erica: Can you get drinks Thursday night?
- Me: Not really… it’s sort of hard for me to stay in the city after work now.
- Erica: Um…why?
- Me: Right, so there’s something I need to tell you.
What’s implied between the lines of my “forgetfulness” is that I’m not entirely comfortable with my decision. I’m not ashamed to the point of lying about it, per se (though we’ll see how that pans out at my 5-year college reunion…in 3 weeks…), it’s more that because it’s a very specific thing with very specific rationale that I want very specifically explained.
I’m a message control freak. It can’t just be, “yeah, I’m living home for awhile,” it must be, “so I decided to move home to get my finances and lifestyle in check for pending life decisions and potential changes.” This way I’m not “poor and lame” but rather smart, calculating, and level-headed. God forbid any friend of a friend of a friend should think I couldn’t handle living in the city or gave up on life as a New Yorker. I can’t have that rumor flying around the Facebook.
And so in order to inform the uninformed of my now 4 week old lifestyle change I’ve had to reduce the TED Talks version of my tale to an elevator pitch when it comes up. “Yeah, moved home for the Summer to sock away some money. Sucks, but not as much as being in the hole.”
No, “I’m a representative of the struggling media and entertainment professionals of our era.” No, “We can’t be afraid to take advantage of the help we have nearby. You know a girl like me whose parents live in Montana doesn’t have a way out.”
No, “You know X% of people over the age of 26 still live at home…”
Does it matter what anyone thinks of my summer savings strategy? No. Does that change how I feel about it? Also no, sadly.
And so in an effort to “be an adult about it” I think I’ll spend month two of the suburban sabbatical owning the decision – either in silence or in whatever elevator explanations become necessary. Because most of the time people don’t really know (or care to figure out) what they think about what you’re doing – until you help them along with your own blatant self-consciousness about the issue…
Also – unrelated but of paramount importance – I am close to mastery of the writing-on-a-laptop-on-a-bus process. Next step – staying awake to actually do it…
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Love this blog and follow you every day! This recent transition is also a good way to track what friends are keeping up with your blog. Anyone who is following your writing knows of your recent trip home, so be wary of ‘friends’ who aren’t aware of your situation. This should reveal something to you about them. If they aren’t appreciating your writing, something is wrong with them, and I mean that.
I am kinda in the same boat but a couple years older and came home for a different reason but it definitely was the best thing for me! It isn’t the ideal situation but I don’t have to tell you that. Things really do happen for a reason and you will come out better on the other end. Good for you!!
Good to know what you’re up to… I look forward to more entries on the issue. Perhaps you can be the next “shit my dad says” in the genre of living-at-home blogs?
I lived with my parents for far too long. I’m not as ambitiously focused as many people I know, but I was even less so when I lived with my parents… I just did it for far too long. I guess I believe that living with parents is awesome when you’ve got a clear idea of when/why you’ll move back out again. I think the guilt-type feeling many of us feel is a fear of losing ambition and becoming kids again. It is *possible* to fall that far, but it’s easy to control, and not that likely.
New York is so “it” that anyone leaving makes it seem and feel like a failure. When I hear about people moving away, I’m usually like, “Good! If you can’t handle it then you need to gtfo! I never saw as a New Yorker anyway…” (I’m an asshole, obvs.) But now that I’m seriously considering leaving, I have to preface every time with “I accomplished my dreams so young that there must be something better out there for me!” or “I know I’ll be back some day but I’m too young to have only lived in one city!” or “I can live or free in New Orleans so that’s hard to turn down, but I still love New York!” or some version of all that. And while all those things are true, and while leaving does feel like “you can’t make it here,” it’s not a failure. There are other places in this world than New York, other amazing places that aren’t New York but have their own magic, and we forget that.
It’s still fucking hard though. Arghhh…!