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When I knew I was an adult, and what that says about me

March 29, 2011

The fear and affection connection.

March 29, 2011

What we regret most in life, and why the answer is actually great news

March 29, 2011

I have good news and bad news.

In general I like to drop the bad news first sos to end on the high note of the good. But in the case of findings in a recent New York Times article I’d argue that the good and the bad are fairly indistinguishable.

The piece is about our biggest regrets, and it’s based on data from researchers at Northwestern University and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign who spoke to 370 U.S. adults. They asked respondents to describe one memorable regret, explaining what it was, how it happened and whether their regret stemmed from something they did or didn’t do.

Nearly one in five of all people surveyed the same thing, but if you limit the group to just women it’s a whopping 44%.

Guesses?

I thought it had to do with finances and/or education, but perhaps that’s because those are my two biggest regrets (not putting more money into my 401K and not studying something more legit than Comm. in college. Nerd alert…).

My second (technically 3rd?) guess was that it had something to do with regret around a family member. Wishing a fight had gone another way, feeling remorse over a relationship gone bad, regretting the amount of time we give to one another?

Again, way too serious.

Turns out the most common regret among American adults involves a lost romantic opportunity. Those one in five respondents told stories of a missed love connection. According to the article, “Women were far more likely to have romantic regrets, with 44 percent fretting about a lost love, while just 19 percent of men still had relationship regrets. People who were not in a relationship were the most likely to cite a romantic regret.”

So the bad news is that the number one American regret involves missed or failed opportunities at love and relationships.

But the good news is that since we now know it’s the number one thing we’re going to regret we have much more incentive to go for it when we feel a connection!

It’s like if someone told you that ten years from now you’d regret not buying those shoes with all your heart even though at the time you cringed over the price tag. You’d suck it up and buy them! This is the same except relationships are arguably far more important than a killer pair of shoes (arguably). This study – though depressing for those currently regretting the move they didn’t make – is a decision chrystal ball for all of you currently hemming and hawing over whether or not to express the way you feel!

“I don’t know…seems like there’s more risk in telling her I like her…” you’re thinking/saying/gchatting.

Wrong! According to this study there’s more long-term risk in missing the opportunity.

Plus despite having zero data around this fact I am fairly certain that the pain of regret is far worse than the pain of embarrassment or heart ache making confessing your love as simple as going to the gym. Yes, it hurts now but being fat and unhealthy hurts way more in the long term.

Long story short: studies confirm you should shit or get off the pot.

And with that one hundred million mothers went, “well I’ve been telling you that for ages. I don’t know why they needed to do a fancy study to figure it out.”

3 comments

  1. Ahh, this is amazing timing! I’ve been going back and forth if I should tell the guy I’ve crushed on for years how I feel..now any suggestions how to go about this, without losing all of my dignity?!

  2. My first guess was the missed love connection and was surprised that you thought of finances first. This is not the regrets that I have but I do see how our communities are lonely and no one knows what a deep friendship outside of dating looks like. Think this says more about our culture than the individual.

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