It went something like this a week or so ago:
- ME: _________’s girlfriend seems really nice
- R: Yeah, she’s ok.
- ME: Oh really? What’s wrong with her?
- R: Nothing. She’s just got the wandering eye.
- ME: The what?
- R: The wandering eye.
- ME: I don’t know what that is.
- R: The wandering eye?
- ME: (eye roll)
- R: It’s just the way she looks at other guys – like she’s always flirting.
- ME: And this is a thing? Like a thing that you and your buddies pick up on?
- R: Oh absolutely.
- ME: Is it just her or do other girls do this?
- R: Some other girls do it too. Not any I can think of right now, but you know it when you see it.
- ME: Wow. I had no idea this was a thing guys were assessing about other guy’s girlfriends.
- R: Oh yeah.
- ME: I think I have to write about this.
- R: Yeah?
- ME: Definitely.
- R: YES!
- ME: What?
- R: Another blog post about me.
- ME: (eye roll)
So that’s pretty much the gist of it folks. There is this so-called “wandering eye” that a girl can express to guys who are not her boyfriend leading those guys to question her quality as a girlfriend. R and I got into it a little more later that day and he explained that it’s a level of friendliness contained mostly in the eyes and body language that says, “I’m flirting with you. Kindly be wildly attracted to me.” versus what a girlfriend of your buddy should be saying which is, “Nice to meet you. I’m the cool girl your buddy is dating.” (My words, not R’s).
What’s interesting to me is this whole element of guys judging the quality of their friends’ girlfriends. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t know they did that. Ashamed because it’s sexist to assume that other girls gather around the pedicure chairs and judge the quality of each guy who’s come into the fold. Girls would say things like, “He’s ok. He just treats her differently when they’re alone than when they’re in public,” or, “he’s okay. He just isn’t very thoughtful,” or, “he’s okay. He’s just got a bit of the douche.”
But even those judgments aren’t quite the same as this wandering eye situation. What this suggests is that guys can feel the way a girl treats them and universally know when the tone is flirty versus friendly, and that there’s some unspoken understanding they have when this occurs.
It’s all very interesting at is applies to the buddy’s girlfriend assessment but I think it’s even MORE interesting as it applies to the assessment of girls in general. If guys know a wandering eye then do they always know when a single girl is flirting? Are we that transparent? And if so then why aren’t more of them asking us (you…) out?
Food for thought slash pedicure chair gossip. Unless of course this is just some crazy thing R and his buddies made up. Wouldn’t be the first time…
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I know I’ve judged the same of both guys and girls who are dating my friends. Though I usually notice it more in the literal sense of The Wandering Eye- this person’s eyes are constantly wandering and checking out other people in the near vicinity, rather than being flirtacious. But I’d be wary of guys thinking girls are flirting with them, they’re not always right (neither are girls for that matter).
This is most definitely A Thing: I think there are people (not just girls) who dance with the line between appropriateness and not. For some of these people, I think flirting’s almost a default position – it acts as a social lubricant to them. They reason that if you’re able to smile at them and make them feel good about themself (‘this person seems interested in me! I must be quite attractive to them! I like talking to someone who seems to think I’m amazing’) the social interaction’s likely to go easier.
Also for consideration: those who tie their self-esteem to the amount of people who find them attractive. In that case, it wouldn’t be so much flirting with intention to find someone else to date as much as them as trying to … prove that they have worth, I suppose.
Finally, for the advancement of your musical education, I bring you “Wandering Eye” – one of the most successful songs to be produced in New Zealand in the last… little while:
http://grooveshark.com/s/Wandering+Eye/1ZxyzK?src=5
Great post, Jessie. That R of yours has some gems up his sleeve.
Whose girl friend was giving the eye????????
Not J’s