There is nothing quite as terrifying as the moment you receive notes on the first draft of the first feature film you’ve ever written, especially if those notes are coming from the person who has elected to date you.

“Notes” is the catch-all term for suggested changes to your draft, AKA a line-by-line review of all the things you did poorly/wrong. This makes the notes process akin to you unhinging your brain and saying, “here is the summation of all that I believe is funny, smart and well-written, please judge it out loud and in front of me!” Then, add to that the fact that this script is not for hobby or sport, but rather a piece of material intended to launch your entire career. Yes, some of that is an overly dramatic, over-exaggeration. No, that doesn’t remotely change the way you feel.

And so, based on all-too-recent-events, I give you my personal HOW TO guide for coming out of your very first notes session both alive and still in a relationship.

• Wear something really nice. I find people are less-inclined to be cruel if they think you look particularly good, especially if those people date you. So, for example, PJ stretch pants and a man’s flannel shirt would be the wrong thing to wear, especially if you’re pairing that ensemble with day-old hair and your coke-bottle glasses.

• Consider time of day when scheduling your notes session. Early morning can be tricky because your entire day will likely be ruined based on the notes. Similarly, 10:30pm on a Tuesday when you’re fighting a nasty sore throat can be tricky because it’s 10:30pm on a Tuesday and you’re fighting a nasty sore throat.

• Sit across from, not next to the note-er. Close proximity is your enemy in this process. You want to establish a professional distance between yourself and the other party, so that when he knife-jabs a note directly into your creative core, he’ll have to get up from the table and walk his butt around it to deliver the appropriate, apologetic hug.

• Think twice about making a stink about any note that comes prior to page 65. Trudging through 70 more pages of notes while employing the silent treatment is not pleasant or convenient.

• Don’t say the following: “Writer to development executive, that was a shitty note.” But if you’re going to, definitely don’t add, “Listen,” to the front of it and deliver it dripping with nasty tone.

• Remember to say thank you for specific notes throughout the process. This will endear your reader to you and make it seem as though you are both happy and stable.

• Try not to flip to the last page or check the time on your non-existent watch through the session. I don’t think this advice requires an explanation.

• When the notes session is complete, thank the noter-er in your most convincingly sincere voice. This person just spent the past 1.5 hours coddling your sensitive writer psyche through 115 pages of notes on a script he sped-read so you could turn it in on time. Prove that you know and appreciate that as much as you should.

This post was written with love and admiration for R, my very first note-er, and Michael, my roommate, who arrived home just in time to catch the worst of it all.