Last Sunday afternoon I went to pop a DVD into the DVD player so I could start my first guitar lesson (they come on DVD’s now!!!), and I realized that I don’t know how to use my own DVD player.

I have lived with R for exactly six months this weekend, and it only dawned upon me this Sunday that I don’t know how to play a DVD in the apartment we now share.

In my defense, it’s not my DVD player; R had it before I moved in. In defense of being a 29-year-old human, I should know how to use the machine that plays the movies (and guitar lessons!!!) in my own house.

Naturally this little issue made me start to think about all the other pieces of knowledge I’ve relinquished since entering a life of cohabitation. And by “think about” I mean dwell on. See, I’m a recovering control freak who can’t stand the idea of not knowing how to do everything herself. I now live with a loving man who has homemaking slash life skills that I simply do not possess (i.e. he makes the absolute best chicken soup you have ever tasted in your life). I know that people bring different strengths to the relationship and that it’s a blessing to live in a house where each person takes care of different things. That said – there are certain things you must maintain a working knowledge of even after you’ve moved in with a man/woman. Here is my list:

KNOW HOW TO WORK THE DVD PLAYER 

You cannot be denied watching an entire season of Sex & The City on a surprise rainy day in LA because you don’t know how to work the damn DVD player. That’s a crying shame.

KNOW HOW TO TURN ON THE GRILL

What if you have a group of lady friends over for an afternoon of catching up on The Voice, and you all decide some juicy steaks would really make the afternoon? No competitive girl would let some other obviously more domestic girl man your grill (say that five times fast!).

KNOW HOW TO GRILL THINGS ON THAT GRILL

Turning the grill on is worthless if you don’t know how to cook stuff on said grill. That seems like an obvious thing, but in my experience it is not.  

KNOW WHERE ALL THE IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS ARE

I’m not entirely sure what this includes, but one time I couldn’t find the Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons, and it was a real issue. I have my own desk, so things like my voter registration and Forever21 punch cards are kept safely there, but if you share a desk, keep it organized.

KNOW HOW TO KILL VARIOUS BUGS AND/OR CATCH VARIOUS RODENTS

Prior to living with R I lived with my cousin Geanna in a darling New York City apartment built sometime around the American revolution. One day I found a roach in the bathroom. I handled that discovery by jumping up on the toilet, and screaming at the top of my lungs until Geanna killed that bug without a second thought. Following that I lived with two gay men who killed every spider we found, and I now I live with R whose fly-swatting count is somewhere around 30. If a bug found its way into my current apartment I literally don’t know how I would handle myself slash the bug. This is a sad state of affairs.

I eventually figured out how to make the DVD player work, but it was only after a dozen tries some incredibly helpful YouTube videos. I now keep a little write-up on the steps in my desk drawer – right now to my instructions for how to start the grill and a giant can of bug spray.