10. Listen, I need you to buy me tampons at the grocery store. Just grab the first multi-pack you see and get the hell out of there.
9. Bottom line: we can’t make any new friends until after the wedding invites go out.
8. I’m sorry, did you just say you got pregnant on the VERY FIRST TIME TRYING?!
7. The rules of this wedding dress shopping session are simple. If I love it, you love it.
6. I don’t want to have sex tonight, and I don’t have a reason.
5. Right, but can you describe to me exactly how it will feel approximately 30 seconds before my water breaks?
4. Thank you for this offer. Given my experience level and past performances, I’d like to see if your company can come up 10K on the base starting salary.
3. Of course I’d love a little girl, but I’ll just be happy if the baby is healthy.
2. You don’t have to go through with this wedding. We’ll get you out of here and handle telling everyone.
1. Oh my god…my mother used to say that exact same thing…I’m becoming my mother…
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mine would have to be:
– Yes, I am certain I would like to open a savings account specifically in preparation of future necessary cosmetic procedures.
– At work with a bunch of much older male colleagues: “I disagree!”
– ONE ticket to (insert movie title here) please!
– Macallen on the rocks, and keep ’em comin’
– awww… your baby is so sweet just look at the (insert whatever body part looks the least like a wrinkled alien)
– Do you know a good divorce lawyer?
– Please pass the SPF 5,000; does this mole look weird?
I just hit 30. Instead of making a what I want to do before I am 30 list I made a “what I DID before I turned 30” and looked back at all the great things I accomplished instead of what I hadn’t done yet. It helped. For a little while at least.
This is brilliantly amazing.
Ways to Maintain Good Health