Sometimes when I haven’t come up with an idea for a blog post the next day I’ll go to bed thinking about it, hoping to will myself to dream something genius, and sometimes it actually works! I will wake up, and in those moments of snoozing before I’ve actually committed to being awake, the idea will surface. The problem is, it’s rarely genius. It’s rarely even logical. Three weeks ago, for example, it was Why You Should Never Date Anyone Like Bruno Mars, according to how he is in his songs. I know. It sounds good, but don’t fall for it…like I did for 500 now-deleted words…

So today – for lack of an actual idea because my dream self has writer’s block too – I am going to write about that first thing that came to mind during this morning’s snooze session. I’m going to follow the whole idea through to its illogical conclusion.  You’re welcome, Thursday.

I was lying there wondering why I keep waking up with a head ache (could have something to do with the fact that I refuse to wear the gross night guard that prevents me from grinding my teeth into oblivion all night long) and I recalled this inspired one-liner that must have been marinating right at the end of that last dream I had before waking (no idea what it was about, but a vision of the Freehold Raceway Mall keeps coming to mind): The bedroom is the mission control of the relationship.  

I said that out loud this morning. This was before I’d technically opened my eyes, so I can’t be sure if I was really awake, but I definitely said it, and then I flipped over and had the following internal monologue:

Right. Yes. The bedroom is the mission control of the relationship. That’s so wise. Why have I never thought that before?

Not though, like, in a sexual sense. I mean, it is, but I mean, like, what goes on inside the bedroom – outside of the sex – is representative of what goes on in the rest of the relationship. Like, the bedroom is that thing that represents all the things in the real world. What are those things called? Those things that are like a diorama of the bigger thing? GOD WHAT IS THAT WORD!!! 

Oh. Right. Microcosm. The bedroom is like the microcosm of the relationship, the relationship in this case being a thing not a place, but that’s fine. They’ll get it.

So what goes on inside the bedroom will be mimicked throughout the relationship. Yes, this is good. Very smart.

If you – say – read separately at night you will be separate in other aspects of life. Or if someone is a bed hog they will be a life hog. Or – ooh this is good – if you let the other person sleep in while you’re getting ready for work, you are kind and sensitive in other venues. 

There’s no other place where all these specific things happen, so that makes the most important place the bedroom. It has all the info, even though we don’t realize it. It is the missions control. The mission control of the relationship. God that sounds good. Why has no one ever thought of that before.

Somebody get me that thing where you say your essay into a recorder and it types up a blog post. I know I’ve seen that somewhere….wait…maybe it was at the Freehold Raceway Mall…hhmm, just a few minutes ago…

Now aren’t you glad I don’t write on some of the days where I just don’t have any ideas 🙂