No I didn’t post a Thursday First Date because I received one — count them — one story worth posting and even that came too late for Thursday morning.

This leads me to believe that you’re either not going on first dates or don’t want to tell me about them, and it’s obviously the former.

Because it is, I’ve found, very hard to get into a relationship without going on a first date — I’ve collected the wealth of wisdom from posts past so you can get a first date, make it interesting, and send me all the details.

Oh it’s not problem — really.

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• Stack the cards in your favor – even if it’s with a thoughtless connection to a matchmaking cab driver and you’re making some progress.

• Most people drunk-text. Some people drunk-order-books off Amazon on their Blackberry Storms. All people who live within a 5 mile radius drunk-eat Mamoun’s Falafell at 3:00 in the morning. I drunk-devise clever ways to give men my moo mini personal business cards — clever to me…drunk me.

• Someone will, in one breath, say, “wow, that’s crazy, I’d never do it” and then in the next, “so, hey…how many guys on it would you say are roughly 28 and live in the Murray Hill area – just out of curiosity).

• “So listen,” he leveled with me, “you know the drill here. I’m outside in the cold trying to help some kids by asking people for a low monthly fee of $22. That’s two cocktails a month. Do you drink two cocktails a month?”
• No, beautiful man, I drink 30, but for you I could cut it down to 28…

• Fact: rich men are living modified lifestyles in light of this so-called recession. As such they are frequenting locations A-typical to ballers in an effort to save a G or ten. If I can determine those locations then I am likely to meet a very smart and potentially vulnerable man. It’s like detective work, which is technically classified under the sciences, which are very rarely wrong.

• While I am in no position to be refusing introductions to “nicest guy”s, the thought of being set up by my laundress brings up some questions – most notably – what kind of guy does the woman who cares for my clothes thing I belong with?

• There was no doubt he would have made an excellent roommate by any standards, but this girl had tons of potential roommates to choose from. What she didn’t have were tons of clean and conscientious guys maybe kiss-kissing her goodnight.

• Endless factors present at the event contributed to my meeting these men in a non-awkward way. People flat-out introduced me to them. They flat-out introduced themselves to me. The degree to which it was not-at-all uncomfortable was, frankly, uncomfortable.

• I don’t take it personally if you suggest a shitty guy. You don’t take it personally if I suggest you have shitty taste and obviously don’t know me at all.