I swore I would not watch this show. I abandoned The City after 2 episodes, stopped watching The Hills when Spencer grew that terrifying white beard and have not watched one episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I had risen above it all. I was watching Mad Men on AMC onDemand and DVRd episodes of The Rachel Maddow Show.
Until last night.
NYC Prep is Laguna Beach in Manhattan. The cast of 5 represent various NYC Prep schools that we’re supposed to not know but all know on account of the Internet and the fact that they’re wearing their school uniforms which feature the school crest. From left:
- Kelli (15) nothing worth mentioning
- Sebastian (17) he’s French and has a unibrow
- Camille (16?) always wears red lipstick, she’s the “Lo” to Kelli’s LC
- PC (18) he’s “confused..”
- Jessie (17) she loves PC and fashion, and has my god-damned name
- and Taylor (15) she’s the one public school kid, very Reese Witherspoon in Cruel Intentions, if she grows a set
They do what all kids in reality television shows like this do. Hang out with, date and talk about each other while going to parties and engaging in side projects set up by producers. Also, vacations.
But here’s what makes this show different-ish than The Laguna/Hills/City/Housewives set and explains why, when it was over and started again (god bless Bravo), I said to Geanna, “oooh new episode!” to which Geanna said, “no we just watched this — and I think you actually watched it once before that.”
These kids are like 15-18 but also very much like 28-35. Case in point: Jessie meets Kelli and Taylor at a party she’s at with PC. She doesn’t know why they’re there and doesn’t like that they’re talking to PC so she treats them like a caddy 17-year-old bitch might, but in confessional on this matter says, “Listen, I don’t know you. Don’t talk shit about me! I wasn’t there to meet you. I was there to network.” It’s all very Dr. Seuss/Mr. Trump, if you will.
Here is what we’ve learned so far:
JESSIE loves PC in the kind of painfully honest way that makes you pour yourself another D.I.Y Dirty Martini mid-episode. When they eat Citarella at her Upper East Side kitchen couter she says, “whatever, do whatever you want, I’m not your girlfriend.” And later, “haha, want to make out.” You know the drill. The majority of Jessie’s action in this episode revolves around calling PC on Blackberry speaker phone (the quintessential rich-girl move) to complain about where he is and why it’s not with her and helping her friend Zoe with her downtown loft party (ed note: downtown loft parties of the nature we saw last night take approx. 5-15K and at least 3 weeks to produce. Usually I’d say the producers did all of this, but with these kids there’s actually a chance Zoe made this happen on her own). Oh also Jessie chairs come charity committee called Operation Smile. Again, this could be legit.
PC (Peter Carey and you’ve got to wonder when that moniker was born…) loves Jessie in the painfully obvious way that Will loved Grace. I’m sorry — I’m calling it. He’s all head-to-toe Tom Ford bespoke with wildly advanced facial hair for someone who can’t legally drink. PC is very, very bored with school and life in general it seems. He’s ready for a deeper, emotional connection with someone. “Everone just has very casual sex,” he explains, “But I’m looking for something more tasteful” — like a beard, we infer.
He meets with ex Danielle maybe? and determines he must get out of the pomous inner Upper East Side circle. “Yeah, that’s not you,” maybe Danielle says. “God I know,” PC agrees as he drinks a pink cocktail at some club he can’t legally get into. To work through his issues PC goes to a generic Upper East Side therapist like any 15-55 year-old NYer would. She says, “you seem impatient.” He says, “I flush the toilet before I’m done peeing.” It is at this moment that I decide to give up and love him like all Jessie’s should. Oh, also, PC gets stood up by some girl his 25-year-old friend sets him up with. Told you — only on TV…
SEBASTIAN is a player which we know because he tells us. He has the same hair cut as that guy Nigel who judges So You Think You Can Dance and speaks French because he’s from France? It’s fuzzy. He always wears a scarf to clear up said fuzziness.
Sebastian meets both Kelli and Taylor at a party. The next day he takes Kelli for Magnolia Bakery cupcakes, which pleases her endlesses. Kelli: “Omg did you like know cupcakes are like my favorite thing in the world?? Like, I like them more than cake.” A. he noted you have breasts-ish and live in Manhattan so yes, you could say he knew. And B. cupcakes are cake — just smaller and in little paper wrappings.
He later takes Taylor to a french restaurant which goes well (despite the fact that Taylor’s there) until he kisses her then let’s her walk home by herself. Rude.
KELLI is so many stereotypes stuffed into one high-waisted skirt that I lost count. Consider her a dumber Blair Waldorff with only one minion (CAMILLE, who will not receive a paragraph). Kelli likes Sebastian on account of the hair and cupcakes. She is aware that he likes Taylor and intends to continue seeing her but there are times (like this episode…) when that info doesn’t seem to be sticking. What I will say about Kelli is her conflicting layer of brute forwardness on top of generic teen idiocy. She calls Sebastian after his date with Kelli and says, point blank, “So is this going any further?” (excellent move) But then when Taylor shows up at Zoe’s party and breaks up her “conversation” with Sebastian she “cries” and storms out (never do that).
TAYLOR TAYLOR TAYLOR — no teen show arc is complete without a pretty outsider for the girls to torture, guys to de-virginize, and authorities to mistakenly arrest (mark my word it will happen.) Taylor goes to public school. She’s not used to this fast-paced world. She doesn’t want to spend $500 on an Intermix frock she can get at Target. She is the youngest (at 15) but seemingly the most level-headed and unfortunately, in a confusing twist, still the dumbest. She and Sebastian go on a date to a French restaurant (Cercle Rouge in Tribeca) where he makes conversation and she makes you no longer feel bad about agreeing that public school is lesser…
- First…Sebastian: So what do you want to be when you grow up?
- Taylor: Like, I don’t know…like…a philosopher?
- Later…Sebastian: So, what do you like about me?
- Taylor: Like, I don’t know, that you — like — like me.
- Then…Taylor: I like you more than Cole
- Sebastian: Really, how much?
- Taylor: I don’t know – like – maybe – 100%
- And finally — Taylor: It’s actually really stressful to be at a party with two guys you like
Spoken like a true like-maybe-philosopher….
Rather than end up a hypocrite again I’ll just say I’m probably going to keep watching this show because there’s nothing else on Tuesdays and it gives me a break from SYTYCD nights (v. stressful). If nothing else it’s excellent research as to whether or not I can/should/will ever raise kids here…
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Jessie, I grew up here and went to prep school here. I also went to public school here. First, these are not “real” kids, except for PC and he has watched too much gossip girl and cruel intentions.
No one would ever do a show like this, because it might embarrass their parents. The only one who could and might be real is PC because he wouldnt need parental permission.
Second, the top six prep schools in NYC are (Horace Mann, Dalton, Columbia Prep, Trinity, Fieldston and Riverdale) not including Spence and Collegiate.
The best one here is Dwight (dumb white idiots (kids) getting high together) as it is referred to in NYC. Not exactly cream of the crop, seriously.
It may be fun to watch, but they are all just characters.
And yes, nyc kids tend to be 25 at 16, because of access, but they still are 16 regardless of what we all thought. Also, i never ever saw anyone wear a tie when i was a kid here.
Jessie! What happened to your TFLN follow up?!?!
I’m sorry–You don’t watch Real Housewives? The Hills? “You’ve risen above it”! Don’t think we don’t know you primarily watch Mad Men to see if John Hamm gets topless.
Do your dvr episodes of Rachael Maddow come with a monacle and sociology PhD?
To #1 poster–you’re just jealous your parents didn’t love you enough to send you to private school. JK, but not really. No, really JK.
hahah love the wrap up. the show makes me naush, but your synopsis is excellent.
Well done, JR.
PS: I totally get that these kids are edited and produced to be the way they are by the show’s…um, well, producers, but this show is still my newest birth control.
Seriously, I may never have kids. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I screwed it up and they came out like this.
Great wrap up of NYC Prep.
Though I have to say, these kids are so screwed I can’t watch. It’s not even like a bad train wreck, it’s so bad I can’t watch.
Where are their parents? Even if it is staged… why would you allow your child to behave that way ever?
Over the top.
And Polly, I agree… birth control.