“I’m sure it was just a circumstantial thing,” I told my friend as we hashed out last week’s sleep-over denial story. “You’ll have much more clarity if you guys hang out again.”
Famous last words.
Long story short, it happened again. Or, rather, it didn’t happen again. Here is the new set of details. Get your over-thinking caps on!
- My friend invites guy to her neck of the woods on Friday night. This is one week after the previous non-sleep-over date. They had been talking throughout the week.
- My friend’s neck of the woods is approx 20 minutes by car/cab from guy’s apartment. Guy has a car but chooses to take public transportation.
- They go out, get a bite, have a reasonable amount of drinks, then go back to my friend’s apartment.
- Hooking up ensues to the same degree that it did last time. I now think it’s important to mention that hooking up does not include sex, and that neither party is pressing the issue on that. As in, he’s not requesting it or pushing things to that place, and my friend is following his lead.
- At approx. 12:30 guy starts in on the, “so I have to get up really early tomorrow…” lines. Which, in fairness, may not be lines but actual facts. He has a 7:30am gym training session.
- My friend lightly protests, saying he’s welcome to stay, she’d really like for him to, and a 7:30 am Saturday gym session is ridiculous.
- Guy is not waffling about this situation. He’s planned to leave, he wants to leave, and he intends to leave.
- In an effort to not kiss and run, guy suggests they chat for a little longer before he goes. They do so, and he finally leaves at approx. 1:00am
- Because guy did not drive and it is beyond the time that public transportation is running, he has to take a $30 cab home.
And with more detail comes less clarity.
Before I thought it boiled down to one of, what was it? five possible explanations? Now I think the list has grown. Here’s my list of could-be’s after instance number two:
1. He has some form of strange medical/physical/emotional issue that he does not want to reveal slash have it reveal itself. I can’t really list out what those could be, but I’m sure they exist, and we can’t deny this guy that option.
- Buuut, given the fact that they are already physical, it would be surprising if this hadn’t revealed itself already. Unless it’s something related to something he does in his sleep, which could be pretty bad, so let’s keep this as a valid option.
2. He is only interested in sleeping over if there is a chance that he could have sex and, knowing that it’s not going to happen, he figures there’s no sense in sleeping over.
- The cynic’s assessment, but an option. The reason I don’t think this is the reason is because it has been explained to me that has not and is not forcing the sex issue.
3. He views the sleep-over move as something that signifies a more serious step in a dating relationship than he wants to take.
- So in this guy’s mind sleeping over = real dating behavior. It’s a big step toward something more serious than the light dating/hooking up they’ve been doing. One sleep over and my friend is going to start calling more and expecting things and viewing what they have going on through a more serious light. I think there’s a strong possibility that this is what’s going on, as does my friend. It may be worth noting that my friend intends for this situation to remain very casual, which could ease guy’s concerns (if that is in fact his concern), but he doesn’t know that’s her position on the matter, so my theory still stands.
4. He doesn’t believe people should sleep over after this few dates.
- Like, he thinks 3-4 dates is still too few to stay over based on his comfort level, beliefs, morals, what-have-you. Yes, I realize this is 2011, he’s over the age of 25, and the societal norm is for this guy to be perfectly happy to sleep whenever someone is inviting. I’m saying, what if this guy is just way more traditional than the average 20-something and stands by his personal comfort level/rules?
5. He has a girlfriend and sleeping over poses either a greater risk of getting caught or makes him feel really guilty.
- Maybe, but my friend met him online so if he’s willing to put his picture on the Internet sleeping over can’t be beyond him.
I honestly don’t know, but if it happens again I’d personally launch into a, “so, is there a reason you’re avoiding the sleep-over?” conversation.
What do you think? And, maybe more importantly, what would you do?