I am very sad to report that the “off the record” function on the gchat machine works. The minute you X-out the chat it goes into some Internet black hole, never to be found again.
- “Isn’t there a way to search and retrieve it?” I asked my friend, “The people at Google must have this figured out.”
- “I think the whole point is that you can’t,” she said, “That’s what they figured out.
And so a hysterical, 20-minute chat has to be reduced to a bullet point paraphrase of our conversation about a night in the dating life. I’ll do my best.
- My friend (MF) embarks on the third date with a guy (G) she’s been seeing for about two weeks. The dates have been good and frequent thus far, as has the communication.
- MF lives in a suburb of a city. G lives in the city. It is approx 45 minutes by public transport and 25 minutes by cab/car from one apartment to the next.
- All three dates thus far have been close to G’s apartment or midway between the two apartments. In defense of G, he lives in a lively, bar-laden part of the city. MF does not.
- Date three begins at 8pm and by 11pm they are back at G’s place having another drink and doing one of those things we do to kill an appropriate amount of time before hooking up (my favorite of which is to watch random youtube videos – “OMG have you seen Cat with Printer?! You HAVE to see it!! Hold on. I’ll find it.”
- Total drinks consumed to that point equal between 4 and 6.
- Hooking up occurs for the next 45 minutes or so bringing the time to about 12:15. I can’t decide how relevant this is, but MF was clear that both parties were equal participants in the hook up and agreed on how far it would go. And it was mutually enjoyed by both.
- I’m pretty sure it’s relevant that G and MF engaged in said activity on the apartment couch, not in the bedroom. I could be wrong, but I’d be surprised.
- After the post-hook up cuddle session G says, “So, what time does your train run until?” promptly setting MF on a course of confusion. “My train?” she thought-and-probably-said, “Oh, I’ll just take a cab?…”
- Cuddling continued for 15 maybe 20 minutes until it was close to 1am. “Well, I guess I should get a cab?” MF said with – she admits – a twinge of what could be described as pouting. “Okay. Let me walk you out to get one,” G said – an act of chivalry that confused MF even more.
- And then he got his coat on, walked her to the corner, and waited with her until she hailed a cab.
- Texting and communication has continued between them since.
My initial reaction: WTF?! What kind of guy makes a girl take a cab at 1am in the freeeezing cold. Granted it was 1am, not 3am, and he walked her to the corner versus waving bye at the door, but still. If all was going well, why wouldn’t he want her to just stay over? More potential for something more to happen (wink) and points in the chivalry department, right?
- “Listen, I’m with you,” MF said, “but what do you think it could be, if you had to guess?”
Guessing is among my favorite things to do. Usually I like to guess just one option and refer to it as knowing, but for the sake of MF’s question, I’ll explore all possible scenarios. So, if I had to guess, these are the options I’d come up with. No offense at all is meant to MF.
- G doesn’t really like MF that much or isn’t quite sure how much he likes her and didn’t want her to spend the night as a result.
- There is something up with G’s bedroom that he’s embarrassed about, uncomfortable with, whatever, and he doesn’t want MF to stay because she’ll see that.
- G has a strict policy against girls of any kind spending the night at this point in a relationship
- G thinks MF doesn’t want to stay based on some unknown information, so he’s trying to be chivalrous and not push the issue
Honestly, I think it’s option 3 – G has a policy against girls staying over. This is based on a few more details MF shared regarding things he’s expressed being a little conservative about and his dating history (which is slight).
But the devil-on-my-shoulder just keeps saying, “Guys want girls in their apartment and, ideally, in their bed. They don’t care if it’s messy. They don’t care if it’s awkward. They just want girl in position to allow for more hooking up to happen, ESPECIALLY if there is drinking involved.”
So, what do you think? And how unfair is the devil-on-my-shoulder being to the general male population?