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If They Cheated, Would You Tell?

April 16, 2015

Do Men Not Set Men Up?

April 16, 2015

Are You an ABC Family “Becomer”?

April 16, 2015

Hey Millennials, this is our lucky week! ABC Family just coined a new, even more annoying word to define the next generation so some of the heat will finally be off of our lazy, entitled butts. Sort of. From what I can tell “Becomers” are technically also Millennials… I think?

“Becomers are exploring and establishing who they are becoming – personally, professionally and romantically — they live in that magical and messy place between their first kiss and their first kid,” said ABC Family president Tom Ascheim.

Well that sounds very enchanting and also like where my peers live, just closer to the kid vs. kiss.

“Unlike Gen X or Gen Y/Millennials, becomers [sic] are not associated with a birth year but with a life stage, from a first kiss to a first child, spanning from mid-teen to late 20s.”

Oh… Late 20s…?

“ABCF is making the switch just as millennials are starting to exit its core people 12-34 demographic. They currently represent 70% of 12-34-olds but will be less than half in five years,” said the person who wrote the Deadline article about this sitch.

So Becomers are just people younger than Millennials. Wait… Because Millennials have stopped becoming?!

This just went from an annoying marketing article to an incredibly depressing think piece.

Are my people no longer becoming – personally, professionally and romantically – the people we’re going to become? Did we phase out of that magical and messy place?? Have we become what we’re going to become and now it’s over?! Did we, BECAME?!

Let’s watch this video. Maybe it will help.

Shit! Now I’m just insanely jealous of all those pretty, pretty humans and their pretty, pretty hair. The world is their oyster! They can make so many mistakes and it doesn’t matter yet! They’re already on TV, and they’re way younger than me! I never even wanted to be on TV until this very moment!

Guys (…in my age bracket. If you’re reading this and you are a Becomer please take me to your people and by people I mean hair dressers) – we got screwed. With us it was all, “the Millennials are entitled, and the Millennials can’t do anything on their own, and the Millennials are going to live in their parents’ basements for the rest of their lives.” These little twerps get to BECOME something. We just got the world’s worst economy and an HPV epidemic.

God I hate marketing. Not only because it leads to ridiculous words like “becomers” but because 9 times out of 10, it makes perfect sense.

Well-played ABC Family. But the joke is on you because I’m 31, and I’m still becoming some of the things I have yet to fully become. So could you please make a show about me and my plight to save enough money to ever buy a house?

Right. Roger that.

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