I am coming upon my third full month as a full-time, at-home employee of myself. Here is what I’ve learned:

1. There is no greater accomplishment in life than getting out of bed early/on time for absolutely no reason. I know. I did it once about two months ago, and I’m still living off the glory.

2. The difference between a totally productive and miserably unproductive day is often a morning shower. Wait until noon, and you’re somehow screwed for the entire day.

3. If you wear a hard sole slipper throughout the day you will feel like you’re wearing an actual shoe, which will make you feel like you’re at an actual job, and as a result, you’ll procrastinate 10% less.

4. The law of diminishing return applies to the amount of coffee you consume in the morning, and it starts at anything over a pot.

5. Having Pandora streaming through your TV via your BlueRay player is arguably more important than any of the above facts. 

6. A Paul Simon base with added variety of The Xx, Cat Power, Van Morrison, and Etta James is the world’s greatest Pandora station. If you’re not going to make that exact station, don’t bother with item #5, and frankly, considering getting a real job.

7. Clementines are a must. Keep them on hand at all times. They serve as a surprisingly filling snack, and you can eat as many as you want.

8. Avocados are also a must. Same deal, except you should probably only eat one per day. I’m working on cutting back to that number…

9. If someone knocks on your door during the day you must say, “who is it?” before opening the door. This is very basic but none the less important.

10. You need to allow yourself a few breaks throughout the day in order to stay sane. I like to take mine in 30 minute chunks during which I either watch House Hunters, read something Nora Ephron wrote, or re-do my hair.  If you’re thinking, “it takes 30 minutes to re-do your hair??” then you’ve obviously never met my hair.

11. It’s true that the outfit doesn’t change the man, and yet it’s somehow also true that if the (wo)man changes her outfit several times throughout the day, her writing is much better. I believe the diminishing return number here is four outfits, but I’m still experimenting.

12. It’s cool if you forget to brush your teeth in the morning. Just brush them double hard that night.

13. If your boyfriend calls you in the middle of the day to ask what you’re up to always say you’re working. I mean, chances are you are working, but if you – say – took a break to re-shape your eyebrows…for the third time, you can leave that out. 

14. The less you simulate an actual work day, the less actual work you will do. Sticking to a schedule is your savior. 

15. Working out at some point during the day is probably an excellent way to stay energized and feel healthy. I can’t say for sure because I don’t do it regularly, but that’s only because I am very busy all the time, and it’s really hard to concentrate on House Hunters if you’re doing crunches.

16. You can no longer screen the calls of family members. They know you’re home. They will call back 30 seconds later.

17. The whole point of working from home is that you can talk to yourself at whatever volume you chose throughout the day. If you’re not taking advantage of this then I’m concerned about your real motives.

18. Even if you don’t really care about the news, reading some form of it every morning will make you feel good/empowered/important/like less of a waste of space. I recommend The Daily Beast Cheat Sheet, but that’s just because I’m too cheap to pay for the Times. 

19. There is no such thing as a quick trip over to The Nordstrom Rack for some exercise. 

And finally…

20. If you don’t set a rule about what time is acceptable to start your own personal Happy Hour, you won’t follow it…

What did I forget, fellow freelancers?